You’d never know it would you?

One of the saddest parts of mental illness is that you’d never know it would you?  You’d never look at this photo and think of how much suffering is going on behind my eyes.  What a weird, deceptive game.  I feel like everything is falling apart and I look like I have it together.  Or maybe it’s just me.

Just remember, my friends, to never look only on the outside.  My friend Sara died two years ago this week….by her own hand…the last photo I have of her is a happy one where she wears a huge smile and her eyes shine.  No light there now… Sara there now.  That scares the living shit out of me sometimes.



About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

2 responses to “You’d never know it would you?”

  1. K says :

    I’m so sorry, Love. It scares the shit out of me, too. How people are forced to hide themselves so well when they could have been helped. I finally “came out” to my residency that I was having severe mental health issues last year and that’s why a lot of them ended up working for me and hated me for it. It could definitely be used against me but I feel better knowing that the truth is out there and that I had legit reasons for being absent.

    Thinking of you,

    • Grainne says :

      Thank you, my friend. When I first fell into a pit of depression I told no one aside from direct loved ones and my therapist. The arthritis got really bad at one point in the last few years and they put me through endless testing, looking for autoimmune diseases and conditions that I didn’t have, before they finally realized my spine was so degenerated, the pain was coming from there, rather than all the peripheral issues they were seeking treatment for. In the end I just about gave up but, finally, a rheumatologist accepted a referral and helped me get it all under control. Though that time, I was quite honest with my workplace about what was happening and why I was calling in sick now and then….I worked for a small office and thought I had their support but it absolutely backfired on me and I ended up being bumped out of my job, my a-hole director telling me that my ‘sick time was the worst in the department’. Thankfully, HR didn’t let him away with it and laid me off, helping me find a new role. (and yahoo for the new job eh? Fuuuuck). Aaaanyway.

      If you ever need a chat, I send you an email and I think I left you mine somewhere. Hope things are going okay with boyfriend’s tangled up divorce. 😦 Don’t you just wish it could be over in a snap and then you could all just move on and be happy? I do. xoxox

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