A Visit from the Wild

Last night around midnight the security system bleeped me awake when the camera we have covering the front of the house activated.  It’s on a close motion detector and there’s a signal that sends to our bedroom…I know it sounds a big paranoid but it’s for good reason – the tenants before the last ones were, apparently, drug dealers and the last tenants had their door kicked in when some idiots were looking for drugs and money.  Plus, there are a lot of car thefts and other petty crimes in our little town – I think it’s pretty common for places like where I live; we’re less than 10 minutes from a large city (800K people or so) but far enough away that we’re surrounded by farms and huge, open fields of trees and wildlife.  Anyway, we got the alarm system because it made me feel better and seriously dropped our insurance at the same time.  It’s been good to us so far…the next door neighbour had his garage broken into and someone stole his snow blower and his riding mower and our camera gave the police a good enough view of the escape vehicle that they were caught within a few hours.  Just stupid kids doing stupid things in the end.  So, that’s why we have the camera.  Plus it’s right up Dayne’s alley so he has fun maintaining it.  When the bedroom alarm went off it only woke me, and since there was no sound of someone smashing through my front door, I didn’t wake Dayne but got up and went to the living room to see what the camera was looking it.  When I saw it, I wasn’t entirely sure what I was looking at.  “Omg is that a horse?”  My sleepy brain asked.

Nope, not a horse.  A deer.  A massive buck with antlers so huge it looked barely possible that he was able to hold his head up!  I tried to count the points (my ex landlord, Karma-King, was a hunter and when he talked to me, it was endlessly about the kills he made.  His place and hunting lodge was literally full of antlers on display.  It used to make my skin crawl.  Mind you, he did eat the ones he killed and fed his family so it wasn’t all bad…just not my favourite way to experience wildlife.)  It looked to be about a ten-pointer, meaning it was close to, or full-grown.  You see a lot of does around, often when they are vaulting out in front of your car on the road, but seeing a buck this close to people is pretty rare, and WOW was he ever huge.  He came from behind my neighbours who back onto a wooded area where there are so many deer it doesn’t seem possible.  I often wonder where the heck they all go at night.  Are they just all standing around in the woods waiting for the sun to rise again?  (How creepy is that? lol!)  The buck crossed the road cautiously and came right up onto my lawn to nibble at my dead bushes.  He looked up and saw me as I pulled the curtain back to look at him through the window but he didn’t startle; just regarded me curiously and carried on.  I can’t guess the weight of him, I’m terrible at estimating weight for some reason, but he was very tall and solid.  He stood taller than Dayne’s work truck, which is the tallest thing I had to measure him against.  He was beautiful though…so graceful and strong.  He had managed to get that far in life so he was also wise and careful; knew to outsmart the hunters in hunting season and was careful around roads and people.  It took me away for a moment, thinking about how these beautiful creatures survive out there with no interference from us and even manage to do so around the mess we make of their home.  It was a pretty peaceful moment for me.  If I can get a still from the security video I’ll post it so you guys can see him too.

I got home last night from work feeling so detached I could barely feel my body.  Colt usually snaps me back into being the moment I see him but he was really off too…cranky and tired.  We’ve decided to take tomorrow as a day off together…it’s not something I can really afford to do with my workload but I’m so tired and he needs me.  I have a brutal week next week anyway so will be putting in the overtime regardless.  I’m going to take the day to take care of me and my little love.  It means so much more than the rest and all this work will still be here on Monday.  Something about this ‘dying’ kick of mine is making me take more time to make sure I’m making the best choices.  Handy eh?

My dreams were suffocating last night.  I was working in the mall and there was chaos everywhere.  Someone had fallen over the safety railing on the upper floor and had smacked down directly in front of my store.  The body hit so hard that the floor cracked around him and the cracks grew each time someone walked by or stopped to gather around the scene.  I tried to get people to move on and to let the paramedics come through but no one seemed able to hear me…or they didn’t care…either way.  I was working with two other people – they are two of the ones who follow me through dreams.  They were trying to shield me from the scene and keep me distracted so I didn’t panic as the cracks began to snake into the store.  Chunks of floor began to vanish into sinkholes as the cracks widened and grew but nobody seemed to notice out there in the crowd until they suddenly found themselves with nothing solid beneath them and they fell down into the earth, gone forever without a sound.  Watching them vanish made me feel weightless and buoyant.  I felt my feet leave the floor…only inches, but my heart skipped more than a single beat when I looked down.  One of the two with me grabbed my arm and pulled me back to the ground, wrapping his arms around me from behind to hold me there. The other came and reached for my hand, led me over to the side of the store where a small couch was placed for people to try on shoes or rest while their family members shopped.  It wasn’t big enough for three but we squished in as tight as jigsaw puzzle pieces, shoulder to shoulder, holding onto each other so we didn’t float away (although I seemed to be the only one who was floating at the time).

I woke up somewhere around this point, the sound of the crowds buzzing in my ears, fading in and out as I left the dream and reoriented myself in reality.  My big maine coon cat, Jack was lying on top of me, kneading my shoulder softly with his paws.  His huge green eyes looked unmistakably concerned.  Dayne was awake beside me, so close he was sharing my pillow, and he was stroking my face, moving my hair from my eyes.

“I’m sorry did I wake you again?” I asked, words running together and thick with sleep.

“Sort of.  You kept calling for me and asking me to hold you down and keep you here.  I tried to cuddle you but Jack wouldn’t move so I just talked to you until you woke up.  Do you need a hug?”  He asked, so tenderly.

I nodded and without telling him what I needed, he understood.  He sat up and fixed all my pillows so I had a little cove to snuggle into and shifted my blankets without disturbing the cat who was firmly planted on my chest and totally unwilling to be moved.  I wiggled sideways until I could feel the pillows all around me, a body pillow between me and the wall, and settled my head in a way that didn’t make my neck scream with pain.  Dayne came in behind/beside me and worked around Jack, the two of them surrounding me with warmth and protection in the end.  Little Daisy, Colt’s cat, even came to join the cuddle then and daintily hopped up on Dayne’s side, her tiny frame barely noticeable in the mix.  She stretched out her little paw and touched my arm, gently pricking me with her claws to let me know she was there, and we all fell back to sleep in a tangle of fur and skin and love.

I am so thankful not to be alone in this.  Work is so difficult, but, aside from the twin terrors I actually have an amazing group of people around me.  A few weeks back I decided to count off the people at work who I would feel okay about turning to if I really needed help with something private and personal.  I stopped counting at 20 because it became a bit redundant at that point and rather obvious that I can find love anywhere I go, if I want to let it in.

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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

One response to “A Visit from the Wild”

  1. Birdie says :

    we live across the street from a huge park and see deer all the time but nothing like you described! Would like to see a picture. 🙂

    I am so glad you have Dayne and Colt and the cats.

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