I’m having a hard week. I don’t want to complain and I’ve been trying hard not to….I write a post every day but the ones that are full of complaints and misery tend to go to the drafts bin until they no longer apply and then I eventually just delete them. It’s like putting all the negative stuff in a jar and putting it away on a shelf until it evaporates into nothingness and no longer bothers me. I need to discharge some of this though and I don’t even know where to start. It’s all so petty in the long run, I think, and it probably will make people roll their eyes and … I don’t know … think me an idiot for allowing these things to get to me so much. I’m going to write it all out anyway.
Colt is having some really strange things going on….he really hurt the feelings of the one little girl who really, really likes him at school. He doesn’t have the skill or life experience to understand how to react to certain situations…I mean, he’s only 11 and the whole ASD part of the puzzle makes it even more difficult for him. I was mortified by his behaviour yesterday though and although I didn’t really punish him or even talk to him about it, aside from the cursory chat and explanation to ensure he knew what he did was wrong, and I just passed out on the couch at 630 last night…slept through until this morning. I feel totally dragged out though…. God. I don’t even want to get into it all.
Work is frustrating and demeaning at this moment and between my three hour meeting yesterday and the stunningly brilliant start to today I’m about at my max. I think I’m just going to go home….fuck this place for the day. I’ve been crying in my office for a good 20 minutes and that’s just not acceptable. I don’t share much about my physical issues with my workplace (and none of my mental health issues) but my bosses know I’m not very well right now….that aside, I still can’t be sitting here weeping.
I’m going home. Screw it. I’ll write more from there.