The cry of the D list patient

They cancelled my appointment so the doctor could attend a meeting.  My sleep consult, scheduled for this afternoon, cancelled.  I’ve been rescheduled to next week because I nearly cried when she told me on the phone.  I’m a bottom of the list patient to this doc and after waiting a year, patiently for my turn, she was going to reschedule me for early summer.

FFS.  Well.  At least it’s next week right?  I’ve decided to stop caring.  I’m going to kill the pain in my body this weekend and I’ll just focus on that.  I have booze, pills, stimulants and a brand new laptop to zone into so I’m going to make the two days count enough to make up for this bullshit week.

This entire week has been hard.  If I could get rid of the headache, even a little, I’m sure things wouldn’t seem so bad but I’m on day…eight?  I think, and it’s not letting up.  This morning, I was pulled out of dreams by my alarm and when I stood up my body was just not into it.  I teetered a bit, nearly fell into the wall, balanced, nearly fell over (and onto) the cat who was happily purring at my feet, waiting for her good morning hug (she’s the cutest little thing.  She doesn’t bug you for food in the morning, just loves and belly rubs.)  I bounced off the dresser on my way through the door and then couldn’t make my hand find the light switch to the bathroom so bumped around in there, nearly knocking over a plant on my way through.  It was enough noise to wake Dayne up and he came into the bathroom just in time to be blinded by the light as I found the switch.  He was all bleary-eyed and wild-haired.

“Grainne are you okay babe?”

“Mhmm, yeah, glorious day so far.”  I mumbled.

He squinted at me through sleepy eyes and I watched his handsome face contort with concern and love.  It melted me.  He didn’t say anything but held his arms out to me and I walked into them, suddenly finding tears running down my cheeks and dripping off my chin.  He pulled me into him and gave me one of his hugs that feels like he’s somehow wrapping my entire body into his.   He is such a strong, gentle, protective and beautiful man.  The longer I know him the more amazing he becomes.


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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

6 responses to “The cry of the D list patient”

  1. ambivalencegirl says :

    Wow, I would have been past tears. Summer, really?! After a year of waiting. Thank gawd you got an appt next week.

  2. Birdie says :

    What bothers me most about this post is the doctor that referred you the the sleep clinic in the first place did obviously didn’t consider you a priority and did not make it clear how bad your situation is. Like, really? WTF?
    Promise me you will go into this appointment and YELL! Be heard!

    • Grainne says :

      Promise made. I’m not going to waste this opportunity. Thankfully I have Dayne on side to help keep me focused. Will just take the extra few days to get even more prepared.

  3. Pen says :

    I’m so glad you have him. And that he is so good to you. Xoxoxo. Thinking of you lots lately. Doctors suck.

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