You know how sometimes you bust your ass trying to get things done and you’re doing the best you can regardless of the frustrations and interruptions that are constantly getting in your way, and you still get shit on? My one boss is writing me passive aggressive email about a stupid order that was made last year and was for less than 150$. The damn thing wasn’t completed until the new fiscal year anyway and, when it finally DID get done, it was someone else who did it, not me. I think it was the gal who used to have this job…the one they think walks on water even though they know full well she worked for free every single day. Huh. I supposed that’s a part of why they liked her so much isn’t it? The thing that really riles me up is that it affects me SO much. It shouldn’t, I know. I shouldn’t let the slightest hint of disappointment bring the entire shaky structure that is my self-esteem come crashing down but I can’t seem to help it. Particularly when I’m in pain (which I am so very much at this moment) and I’m exhausted (also experiencing huge quantities of). I’m worried about Colt and stressed about the Christmas break where we have no babysitter (Uhhh what am I going to do with him? Shove him under my desk and ruin his entire Christmas break?!) and I keep getting job after job piled on top of me here….I’m drowning.
You know what? I’ve worked SO hard for that woman in the last month. I just finished a very in depth financial review of salaries for her so she would be able to sound like she knew that the hell is going on with her budget and she didn’t even say thank you. Just a snot-dripping email about an effing order that is an entire year old. “I’m rather disappointed with this…” is how she starts her email. GOD it makes me want to just give up and go home. I’ve been here, staring at my computer for the entire day…only left for one pee break and one trip up to the lobby for a cup of tea, I’ve done nothing but design her department website, revise her policy documents, audit her salary lines and predicted budgets, back track through supplies and equipment to ensure we’ve received everything we paid for, arranged interviews, entered compensation and audited statistics for her staff and she doesn’t even bother to start her email with “Hi Grainne,” ??? Nice. I can just see the look on her face right now…smirking away at my incompetence. And the other one is just as bad. She came by today, while I was quite obviously in the middle of auditing, and demands to know why I haven’t created a list of staff meeting dates for her staff yet. I’m not joking. Staff meeting dates …. on a printed LIST for their fucking WALL so they don’t have to open their email. Now, don’t get me wrong, if they want a secretary or a girl Friday to run around and type letters for them, I’d be more than happy to….particularly at my salary level….but for the love of god can you not just please ask your staff to just use their calendars? Please? It took me a long time to get them all network access and set them up so we could stop with the stupid paper lists. Things change and paper lists don’t sync up with the computer…and I am constantly in trouble because there is a list out there somewhere that contradicted a meeting that was set somewhere else and even though I have *nothing* to do with the damn list OR the meeting, I somehow end up being to blame anyway.
I’ve had it with today. I keep making the same decision to work harder, to get it done, to work it out. I’m coming up with ideas and plans to make this all work a little better around here and they are bitching about lists and ancient orders. It’s November and I’m up to my tits in paperwork that I’m trying not to drown in and here I am still, not giving up. Look at me….I’m the idiot who sits in the glass office and never, ever, ever leaves her desk. Ever. I don’t eat, I barely pee and I work work work work work until the absolute last moment I can before I have to leave to pick up Colt because Dayne can’t pick up most days. (Oh hell that just made me remember the babysitter issues again…..sigh).
Oh and in other news, I have a gyn appointment tomorrow. I’ve never met the guy but I’ll be dropping my panties and strapping into those cold metal leg braces that make you feel like your lady bits are spread wide for the entire office to see. I’m not so thrilled at the prospect of having a man, particularly one I’ve never met, poke around down there but I’m determined to get this IUD inserted and he was the only one who had openings for this kind of appointment. You’d think they would be snapping up these referrals….how long can it possibly take to insert one? 5 minutes? *(Please let it not take longer than five minutes…) Add the uncomfortable chit chat that’s a 15 minute appointment max and, because it’s a specialty service here the fee schedule is probably pretty generous.
Yeah. I’m kind of freaked out by this whole deal. It will be all over with by lunchtime tomorrow so…I’ll hang onto that. Of course, both bosses are here at this site tomorrow so they can glower at me in person through my window. Maybe I’ll get lucky and faint or something after the IUD and will get to go home early. (Siri? Remind me to practice fainting when I get home tonight….)
Rant complete. For now. Grrrrrrrr