And then the happy….

This new med seems to be working.  I’ll be honest, I was pretty doubtful that it would help this much.  I don’t have a lot of luck when it comes to medications.  I often get the strangest and least common side effects and whatever it is the drug is meant to do, doesn’t always happen for me.  This goes from antidepressants to pain killers to antibiotics.  This time, however, things seem to be looking up.  I’ve only taken one dose each day and things have been getting better.  Yesterday I was awake ALL evening and didn’t actually go to sleep until after midnight.  !!!!!  That hasn’t happened to me for a very long time, unless I was up because of the pain or anxiety (and in truth, not even those things combined were keeping me up much).  I was tired and I think I could have slept had I gone to bed but I was enjoying being awake that long too much … the day felt like it lasted forever.  I’m really looking forward to this weekend when I might actually be able to have 24 hours of awake time.  *Big smile*  Also, it’s my birthday on Monday AND a long weekend here in Canada.  We have Thanksgiving this weekend and it always falls around my birthday so I often get paid a stat holiday to be off for it.  I love having Thanksgiving in October.  It’s far enough away from Christmas that they are two very separate holidays and it’s a really nice way to celebrate fall with the lovely trees changing and all the pumpkins and squash around.  Dayne is going to smoke a turkey (it’s defrosting in our second fridge right this moment) and we have a full-on kitchen this year so we’re going to make it a huge dinner.  Last year, in the old place, we did the bird on the spit roaster attachment tot he barbecue but the oven was broken and the stove could only be used one burner at a time before the fuses would blow.  It was slow going….good thing there is only three of us!  This year we have a brand new gas oven and four working burners in a kitchen that is wired properly so we can actually use it.  I’m SO excited to think I might actually be awake enough to help and make it a fun day for Colt.  He loves to celebrate and he loves to eat his dad’s cooking (Dayne loves it too…the cooking.  It will be nice to share it with them rather than be snoring on the couch in dreamland).

Sounds like a good way to welcome my 40’s…don’t you think?  🙂

Oh!  Just now there was a knock on my office door and one of my favourite coworkers was smiling in my window.  She came in with a little gift bag singing Happy Birthday lol!!!  She and I love the same styles and jewelry so we often take little breaks up in the gift shop that has the most beautiful stuff…that buyer is such a tasteful and original woman.  Anyway, we were up there last week and looking at some silver rings they had out.  One was a leaf that wraps around your finger and has little glass crystals running along it.  I loved it but didn’t want to spend money on myself after all the things I’ve recently had to buy (or wanted to buy lol) so I put it back and thought I’d think on it later.  She got it for me.  ❤  We generally don’t exchange gifts for events or Christmas but she said because this was a special birthday, she had to get me a little something.  It means so much more to me than it did before because she gave it to me.  What a sweet and wonderful gift.  I love trees.  I have trees all over my office in all forms.  When I first met my birth mom’s littlest sister she gave me a cast iron tree candle holder.  I was floored that she seemed to know me already.  I carry around a small wooden knot that came from a tree that was once in the backyard of my childhood home.  They cut it down when I was 8 because it was infested with tent caterpillars and I was devastated.  It was the tallest tree on the street by far (so big they didn’t cut it down for fear it’s expansive roots dying would upset the stability of the soil they were building the houses on).  It must have been so old….towering far, far above the houses and power lines and city.  It was a weeping willow and I’ve always felt a little pang in my heart when I see one since then.  I rescued a few chunks of wood to keep after a company came to safely chop it down (it totally destroyed the neighbours fences for 15 houses along the street when it came down.  They were planning a much slower descent than what actually happened lol.  I loved it.  Felt like the tree was getting its revenge).  The wood was taken from me when my mother found it in my room but when she pulled it from my bedsheets a little knot got caught on my pillow case and stayed behind.  I still have it.  I gave it to Dayne many years before we got together as a symbol of our friendship, he meant so much to me, even before I fell in love with him.  He kept it and now it sits in my jewelry box in a little velvet box, all worn smooth from being held and looks almost as if it’s stained and polished.  One day I’ll string it onto a necklace or something…I’m just too afraid that I’ll lose it somehow.  It’s something I don’t ever want to lose.

Another tree story was when I found my mom’s grave after meeting her sister about 7 or 8 years ago.  It’s a long story…I’ll write it another time, but there was a huge falcon in the cemetery that day, when I was looking for my mom.  The bird, I believe with all my heart, lead me to her.  My mom is buried right beside an old willow tree that sits in the graveyard, much younger than my childhood tree by many decades, but it is home to the beautiful falcon who met me there that day and showed me my mother’s grave marker.  The trees make me think of her.

And then there’s my forests and the peace I draw from them.  Have I ever showed you guys my forests?  The places I wander when I am awake and needing solace?  I’ll try to remember to post some photos when I get home later today.

So yeah.  This little gift means so much to me.  She knows it too, my awesome coworker who is also my friend, for reals.  🙂

What a lovely day this turned out to be.


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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

8 responses to “And then the happy….”

  1. amazingtechnicolorbutterfly says :

    Happy Birthday! I have weird reactions to meds too. I think i tight partly be epigenetic changes from trauma.

  2. Birdie says :

    OMG! Happy, happy, joy, joy all around! I want to hug you right now! I am not kidding. Feel a tight hug around you. Everything about this post is excellent.
    I never thought to ask about your parent’s family. Do you still continue to see them?

    • Grainne says :

      Thanks my lovely Birdie! (Squeezes you back xxxxxxx) I’m smiling at nothing right now because I’m home from work and I’m not about to crash. (Wow eh?!)

      Unfortunately, we don’t see or talk to my moms family. I only ever met the one, although I did get an email response from one other sibling. They said they all wanted to meet…have a reunion of sorts but it never panned out. I didn’t want to push….Dayne, Colt and I went to visit my youngest aunt once but never made it back. I think it was too hard for them. I got what I needed from the meeting though. Got the location of my moms grave and some photos and memories. I try about once a year to reconnect with my aunt. Maybe some day the time will be right.

      If you meant my foster parents family there, no again. They are all in the UK, those who are still living.

      Dayne’s foster family is in and out of his life but they don’t come around Colt and I don’t want to see them. I don’t like the way they treat Dayne. His real mom is batshit crazy and he hasn’t spoken to her for decades. When he was taken from her and put into care she didn’t even realize he was gone for days. She called the police thinking he’d run away. (He was 2).

      We kinda like to just stick to ourselves. Lol. No explanation necessary there.

  3. KittyHere says :

    I am happy that the new medicine is working. Thinking back I would say my 40s were good, better than my 30s in many ways. So think positive The older you get the less you need to worry about what others think and the more you can trust your own judgement So nice that your birthday and the long Thanksgiving weekend coincide.

  4. Cat's Meow says :

    Happy birthday! What a gift to be able to engage with your life more!

  5. ambivalencegirl says :

    Oh my, I missed your birthday. Happy Birthday. 💜💜💜💜

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