Colt struggles at school. It’s been that way since day one. The struggles have lessened in some ways and increased in others as he gets older but they never end for him. I have a feeling things will be this way for him until adulthood. Hopefully not too far beyond….he’s a nice kid with a big, warm heart and he wants people to love him. He doesn’t seem to worry about “fitting in” and for a long time I just assumed that he was keeping his fears to himself (he does this often) but the older he gets and the more his personality comes clear, the less I think that’s true. I suppose that will come in a few years though. Colt tends to be a few years behind his peers in most things. One day, at 14, he will turn to me and say “uh mom? I can’t wear that to school and for crying out loud stop hugging me at the bus stop. It’s humiliating.”
(I will celebrate that day with tears in my eyes, so thankful to see him reach another milestone of normalcy).
It’s not that I want him to be a sheep and follow the crowd; force himself to fit in and not make waves or be who he wants to be, I want him to be proud of who he is inside and out, I just know him well. I know he doesn’t realize that loving Thomas the Tank Engine at 11 will make his peers see him as “a baby” compared to them. He doesn’t care of his pants are on backwards and his underwear is showing, he couldn’t care less if he wets the bed the night before and goes to school reeking of pee. We have to point it out to him.
“Mom. No one is going to be smelling my pants.” He says, quite logically.
He doesn’t realize that what he does has an effect on those around him. So. When he does understand that, it will be celebrated.
That said he is coming along nicely. The other day we went shopping for a nice shirt for him to wear to a wedding I have to go to today. (Yes, have to. Don’t want to but will because the gal is a sweetheart and she asked me to). He complained some but did as he was asked and then while I tried on dresses he wandered to the book section and browsed on his own. He has never left my sight that way in his life and not because I’m an overbearing parent who won’t let him do anything, but because he was completely lost the moment he didn’t have me tell him what to do or where he is. Hell, it was just a year ago he figured out that my name wasn’t actually “mom” and the name of the town we live in, two since he realized he has to look for cars before he walks into the street. (That was a scary one for a long time, let me tell you.)
So that was a long Intro to a short story. Yesterday was Friday and every Friday I stop at the convenience store to get a treat for working so hard through the week. If he swears at anyone (even that pencil necked whiner of a gym teacher whom I would swear at, given the opportunity) we don’t stop. If he calls his EA a “fucking mother fucking whore bitch” which has come from his sweet little lips more than once, (Mike, he’d be your greatest ally against your neighbours, if you happen to read this one day) no stop at the store. Truth be told he doesn’t do this anymore. Not since we started giving him Wednesday’s off to lessen the load. Still, the Friday plan is in place.
Yesterday, being Friday we stopped and he got his coke and an ice cream cone. His favourite M&Ms were in stock (pretzel. So good) so we grabbed a bag of those as well. I happen to have a sweet tooth and since I’m down in weight I got an ice cream and a couple packs of bubble gum. We laid out bounty on the counter a a the little Asian woman behind the counter looked and said:
“Oh my goodness. I think he is the luckiest boy in this entire town! His mom never says no. Ever.” And pointedly looked at me.
First of all, half that shit was for me. Second, she has no idea the battle that boy faces. If I want buy him a treat on Friday she can blow me and take my damn money without comment. Still, I laughed and played along.
“Hear that Colt? You remember that for later.” I said.
I told her his favourite foods were fruits and veggies, which is true, and that I was happy to spoil him, which is also true.
He really does have it good. He has an iPad (an old one) and he has my iPhone 4S from my last upgrade. He has a room full of toys, a mini laptop and gets all new stuff for school every year. (120$ on shoes this year and we don’t even have winter boots yet. Ffs). He is an only child so gets all the attention and time and he has a dad who loves him more than anything in the world.
He’s got me too and even though I’m asleep half the time, my life is dedicated to him. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for him and, quite frankly, I think that’s the way it should be.
*quietly munches on my candy. Screw you convience store lady. I had a hard week too*