Next day – 13 hours sleep later…
Thanks for all the love in my last post guys. Your thoughts are always appreciated…especially since I have such a great group of people who give the best advice!
I spent the time between getting home and falling asleep yesterday trying to take stock of my situation and to be more mindful of the ways I’m letting the negativity leak out of it’s place and into the other areas of my life. I know that I have so much more control over where my thoughts go than I do over circumstances and really, where your head is at really does influence how you feel and react to the world around you. My head is stuck in dreams most of the time these days and I think the anxieties and sadness those dreams carry is just being absorbed into my real life…everywhere. Dayne doesn’t help the situation because he is the king of catastrophe (even worse than I am…seriously) and the moment a little nibble starts up, we have the entire world coming to an end between the two of us in record time. I’m quite used to everyone else in my life bailing on me the moment this happens (because, really, who wants to argue with a brick wall who just keeps going to the worst case scenario no matter how much light is shining in?) but it’s been pretty cool to see some people actually stay around. I’m thankful for that…incredibly so.
So, happy thoughts. Colt’s birthday is this week and I’m SO excited to give him his presents. I have to wrap them tonight and get to decorate the house with balloons and streamers. It’s so much fun getting to do this since he HATED it every other year. lol…one Christmas, the poor child suffered in silence for over a week before he finally came to me and broke down in sobs.
“mm..mm..mm..mmoooooooom, *sniff sniff hiccup* Can we please put the tree back outside where it belongs? Trees don’t go inside!”
lol..poor kid. Me being the environmentally minded person I am thought he was sad because we had cut it down (something I feel bad about doing every year) but no, he couldn’t have cared less if we set it ablaze and watched it burn…he just didn’t like the outside things on the inside. We skipped decorations and trees for the following years up until last year (or the year before?) when we finally said it might be fun to have one. Since no one visits us or anything all the decorations and stuff was to make Christmas more fun for him….wasn’t much fun making him cry so we made due. Anyway – getting to make a small, controlled fuss over his birthday is still a novelty and is much enjoyed by Dayne and I. I’m looking forward to it. 🙂
Work yesterday was pretty funny. There was a meeting between my managers and another department we work closely with about the fact that I wasn’t getting info to them upon request in a timely enough manner. Turns out I actually was and the woman who was complaining got corrected in the meeting (I wasn’t invited so I didn’t get to watch, sadly). In the end nothing changed with my original process and we’re all good. Was surprising but then, I am working my butt off here. It’s that I’m trying so hard and still not making anyone happy that eats at me. Mind you, I’ve been hearing that the bosses are spreading it around quite a bit these days so it makes me feel slightly less targeted. I would still much rather be anywhere right now, other than here. I’m going to browse the job boards for a while this morning before I dive in.
The pain in my back/head/neck has settled a bit and I’m having an easier time coping. I’m tired right now but not passing out sleep attack tired which also improves my mood. My dreams last night were bizarre but not scary and stressful so I woke without a racing heart and pounding head. That also helps keep me stable. I’ve been trying those meditation recordings you’re supposed to play while you sleep to see if they might influence my dreams but so far there doesn’t seem to be much change. I had ocean sounds on last night and woke up three times from dreams about giant waves coming to wash me away. I’m never afraid in my dreams of storms though, so no stress…just enormous forces pushing against the world. I’m going to dig up a few dreams of storms I’ve written about before as an example. Some of them are so bold they have stuck with me like I just dreamed them.
Anyway. On with the day. Will see how this goes. xx