I don’t know. 

I don’t know if I’m okay.  Tired and sore and was dreaming of being in labour all night. I have cramps ravaging my abdomen yet no period to speak of yet. Stupid menopause. I hate that it’s happening to me so early in life. I worry that it’s something else but the tests say menopause. I suppose I should just believe what they tell me. 

I’m exhausted. I got up today and went to the market to get more fresh fruit and now I’m home and I’m ready for sleep again. I slept from 3 pm yesterday afternoon until about 11 pm when Dayne got home and woke me. I then went to bed and slept (while labouring for what felt like days in dreams), got up at 8 or so, showered and went to the farmers market and now I’m ready for bed for the day.   I’m not falling asleep against my will yet so there’s that to be thankful for, I suppose. I did okay yesterday too; no passing out on my feet but so exhausted.  This quality of life is stressing me out. 

Anyway. I have to clean my house. I’m so glad we threw out so much stuff when we moved because it makes the cleaning so much easier. The closets help a lot too…having somewhere to put things. 

Right now all I want to do is melt on my deck in the sunshine and pretend I have nothing to do but lie there. I’d like to get drunk too but I generally can’t do that anymore as the first drink makes me instantly sleepy.  Man. I feel like I’m 80 some days. 

Few pics for fun. 

I wish I had someone to talk to today. I need a friend. My shadow will have to do though. Huh. Yay me. :/


About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

7 responses to “I don’t know. ”

  1. ambivalencegirl says :

    Well I wish you lived close by to me. I’m at a waterpark, supposedly the biggest indoor water park in America. And there were these young women in the wave pool giggling and hanging on to one another and I so wished I had a best friend. And I find myself fascinated with other’s tattoos and want to ask and look and my kids think I’m nuts already LoL.
    But you are my first blogging friend and I’m so grateful to know you. 💜

  2. The Sound of Ed's Voice says :

    They are sure it is menopause? That seems random! Especially with everything else that’s going on!!

    I’m sorry you feel alone! I feel so isolated right now as well. I’m pretty sure it’s also self imposed at this point but that’s the joys of relapse yay! ❤

    Your pics are fabulous! You must be super tan right now!!! Enjoy the sun! I'm glad you are not as passy outty lately! That must lighten some stress a little bit?

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