Dreaming while awake. At work. *sigh*
I am dancing the line of sleep. I sway slightly to the right, I feel myself start to tumble into dreams, I rock back to the left, I surface, grab on, hold tight, I centre myself and feel a seasick nausea swarm my stomach and bleed out into my guts.
Eyes close, fight to open, roll to the back of my skull. I am so tired. Sedated. Disconnected. If feel as if I run on batteries that are running low, speaking in long, drawn out slow-motion sounds that do not quite form words.
My legs jerk and bounce without my consent and my jaw hangs slack, saliva collecting in the recess between my bottom front teeth and my gum line. I smile involuntarily as I picture drool hanging from my lip, pooling on my keyboard. I swallow; crisis averted, but it took so much energy to do so.
I’m still in my office but I’m also in a theater watching a play. I dreamed of it last night too. I can’t recall the name or the story but the costumes were bright and beautiful. The lead was lovely and I couldn’t take my eyes off her, compelled to stare and listen and drink her in; everything about her. Two men suddenly stand; having been crouched between the seats of the audience, and hold up 10 foot high flag poles that carry copper statues with peeling paint; turquoise and yellow. I hear trumpets.
Now I hear voices, not acting, not reciting lines, but talking on the phone, booking appointments and speaking in medical terms. My head snaps up (was it down? was I sleeping?) and my eyes are open (spinning inside, reeling from the memory). I stand right away but feel like I might fall so I reach out to steady myself on the theater seat in front of me, only it’s not there anymore and my hand meets only air until it slams into the side of my desk which sits at the wrong angle to be real. Luckily, my office chair is still beneath me so when I topple, I do so into it. I don’t know where I am. I look right, left, right again and see the theatre hallway around me, show posters lining the walls. Right, left, right again, I see my desk piled high with papers and lists and things waiting to be done.
Now my heart is pounding and I’m not sure which side is awake and which side is asleep. Am I at a play dreaming about being at work or am I at work dreaming about being at a play? I reach for my energy drink and bring it to my lips, not knowing whether to expect a taste of anything or what it might taste of if I do. Rockstar energy drink… It seems to be what it’s supposed to be…this is reality. I stand again, slowly this time, and walk stiffly to the bathroom. Walls are visible, hallways are heading in straight angles. I’m awake. I’m okay.
Wow this is becoming problematic.