Rainbow of Emotions

It’s done.  Moved.  Finished.

We cleaned, painted, carpet cleaned and repaired the old place way, way more than we needed to.  We’ve helped the new landlord build the deck (rebuild) and fixed the floor in the second bathroom.  We’ve cleared out the barn we used as storage and got a huge amount of old, broken things to the dump.  We hauled two truck loads of stuff over to the new place and we’ve managed to unpack the laundry room, kitchen, living room and bathroom.  We are exhausted, over worked, but so, very, very, very happy in our new home.  Colt, I expected to have some issues….I mean, he’s only lived in this one house for his whole life that he can remember, but, somehow, he transitioned seamlessly into the new house.  He loves the house, the deck (as it’s being built), the garage for his dad, the kitchen, the driveway, the proximity to his school and friends and, most of all, he loves his room.  I let him stay home from school on Monday to settle in because he worked so hard helping us move and he went into his room, ripped open some of his boxes and we didn’t see him aside from food and bathroom breaks the entire day.  We kept hearing:

“This is the best room EVER!” as he celebrated his new space.

He got the big room with the big closet and he adores it.  He’s so thankful that he go that space.  I gave him my old desk and he sits proudly at it in the living room, next to the fireplace.  “You are so kind to give me your desk mom.”  he says between hugs of appreciation.

He used to have one of those huge old desks that have rows of drawers on either side but it was too huge for the space we have now.  It sat under a stair case in the old house because it was out of the way there but it was ugly and old (and freaking heavy!) I was worried he would be upset that we wanted to toss it but, as usual he surprised me and took it all in stride; happily accepted the trade off.  I feel so lucky – he’s just doing amazingly well.  Growing up to be a really reasonable, adaptable, capable and strong willed young man whom I could not be more proud of.

Dayne has done a great job as well….kept himself even and level, worked like a dog to get everything moved and carefully protected me while keeping the lifting on his end.  He cleaned the old place the way I would have done it and told me so…he did everything he could to reduce my stress.  I was amazed, in the end, how much I was actually able to do and was very careful not to hurt myself.  I’m sore, tired and my bones are protesting now, a few days later, but I made it through four punishing days without incident.  I was sweating constantly (thanks peri-menopause) so was drinking so much water my eyeballs were floating….that seemed to help my head and neck a lot so I’m upping my overall water intake to see if the benefits continue or if I was just riding an adrenaline wave through he move.

I think the best part of the whole deal is my new bathroom and that amazing heart shaped tub.  It’s built for two…two back rests, plenty of room for four legs at the point end of the heart.  🙂  Dayne and I climbed in on one of the nights to test it out and I think I had the best bath of my entire life.  Not only was it lovely and relaxing, it fostered a closeness between Dayne and I that has been missing for a long while.  We could both float in the tub when lying on our backs (it’s that big!) and he took me into his arms and we just floated there, my head on his chest, relaxed and soaking in the hot water together.  He talked about how proud he is of me and how thankful that I put so much effort into doing what I could through the move.  He told me he loves me more than he ever has.  We talked about the lack of intimacy of late, some of which has  a lot to do with overall stress of life and it was healing.  He told me how he felt, I shared my thoughts, and we floated together, skin to skin, limbs tangled, thankful…hopeful.

So back to every day life for me then.  I’m swamped at work and the few simple tasks I left for the girls who were covering a few of my hours got mostly screwed up and one of two bosses is pissed at me for it.  There was nothing I could have done.  I emailed the girl the info, I wrote her a note that I left on the desk telling her of the email and all she had to do was move the info into one place.  “Grainne didn’t send me the info!” she told my boss.  Well fuck.  Did you need me to hand-deliver it to you front door?

I’m feeling a bit shaky here again.  Dayne is starting to talk about getting fired from his job again…he goes through these cycles, convinced he’s about to be jobless.  It’s happened pretty constantly for the entire time I’ve known him.  It’s mostly when he’s stressed about money.  The move was expensive, of course, and I spent a little bit on the credit cards last month (nothing huge – a few little treats that ended up costing a couple hundred dollars of stuff for the new place).  Then… *sigh*  I scratched the damn car.  He insists it will cost us 11K to fix the scratch and he yelled at me like I was his rebellious, careless teen-aged child for a few moment which instantly reduced me into a panicked, detached and very fragile state.  I cried.  A lot.  He didn’t take long to calm down and came to me, gave me a hug and asked for forgiveness for the yelling.  He made me dinner, brought me wine and ran a bath for me.  He apologized again in the night and again this morning, twice by text once by phone.  It’s unusual for him to lose his cool like that these days…but, stress right?  Everything will be okay and the scratch certainly won’t cost us that much to repair.  Life goes on.

So, good, bad, stressful, peaceful, thankful, proud, happy, exhausted and settled.  That was a hell of a lot to experience in a few short days.


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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

7 responses to “Rainbow of Emotions”

  1. KittyHere says :

    May your new home continue to make family life easier for you.

  2. Birdie says :

    This song reminds me of you and your family. It is for all of you.

    • Grainne says :

      Thank you! ! Music is a language I speak with my soul….this means more to me than you know. (I also love that song and haven’t heard it in a while!)

      Been thinking of you too Birdie. Lots. xox

  3. anxietybug88 says :

    You did it! Congratulations! So happy you’re all settled now. I think this could be a good breakthrough for you and Dayne. It sounded like you were having trouble before, but a change of scenery and the completion of a job well done can help turn people’s moods around. 🙂

    • Grainne says :

      Aw thanks!! I’m so happy to be done with this now too. Dayne and I have the longest history of up and down and up and down but we always seem to pull through in the end. Thanks so much for all the support…means a ton to me. xx

  4. ambivalencegirl says :

    Well now I know my problem, we don’t have a heart shaped tub 💜 yes, that sounds so nice. And I have done the car thing so many times. Once my hubby parked the truck behind my car and he never does that and obviously I never look before I back out and I backed right into the truck…thousands of dollars there. And one day I was on my way home from dropping the boys off at school and I was upset about my mom and lost in thought and drifted to the right and took out someone’s mailbox and my passenger’s side mirror…hundreds of dollars. OMG😉

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