So close yet so far 

So yeah. It’s Tuesday. I had a workshop to get out of he way at work which was totally stressing me out but it’s finally over now. It’s the second in as many months, added on top of my already too busy job. I was behind before but with no breaks, dozens of free overtime hours, sleepless nights and pissy meetings with my managers, I managed to reduce my overdue list to about 30 or 40 items when the workshops started. One was a province wide event hosted by my organization and the staff was counting on me to pull it off. I did. Got behind again. One manager says it is part of my role and the other disagrees…quietly, unfortunately. The loud unreasonable one just bowls over the quiet, passive aggressive one and I get stuck with both of them dissatisfied. Yay me. 

Anyway, symposium and retreat out of the way, I now have two days to get as caught up as I can but I also have the entire two departments worth of payroll to enter and then I’m off for three days to move. Last time I took one day off it took me a fucking month to catch back up. I’m about to be drowning in not enough time and way too much to do. 

And then I am moving. We are at the stage where there seem to be endless thing to still pack but nothing goes anywhere and some of it we need so we don’t want to send it off to the house we don’t live in yet.  The fridge needs emptying.  We have couches to get to the dump. And an old freezer. We have to move all of the furniture and the fridge and dryer over to the new house. Somewhere in there we need to clean the carpets.  Dayne made a great start but he dropped the ball on some of the repairs and he seems to think we can do all of this on Friday. I think he’s expecting me to be picking up the other end of all our furniture. I mean, I can do some of it but I’m not sure I can fill a truck six times like he keeps snapping at me.  I think I’m going to end up a bit physically broken, which isn’t going to help with the madness I’ll be returning to work to deal with. My body is already giving out and I’ve not even done any heavy lifting yet. How pathetic is it that I have no one to ask to help us move. I wish we could afford a moving company. 

So yeah. Stressed a good bit. I am blanking out my brain any time it strays toward my family because that just might push me too far. I already have a headache and just packing two boxes in the kitchen after a full work day is about all I have the energy for. Yet, in a moment I’m going to make myself get up, will go back to the kitchen and keep pushing on because it’s already Tuesday and I think I am going to have to work both early and late if I want to be only moderately behind when go off to move. 

Dayne went on a bit of a freak out a few moments ago, started taking shitty, broken furniture from the back room and tossing it into his work truck.

“Hey, what are you doing?!” I wondered, a tad more angrily than I had intended. 

“You’re fucking freaking out about getting stuff done so I’m emptying the back room so I can clean the carpet.”

“Wait. You’re taking the garbage, which we are loading into the moving truck and taking to the dump in three days, to the new house for what reason?” I asked. 

“Well you won’t let me put it in the other room!”  He yelled. 

Hmm. I’m not sure I said anything about putting thugs anywhere. He came home and immediately started telling me we had to get the laundry done NOW, for some reason, so I suggested there were lots of more productive things that could be done (I can do laundry anywhere, right?) and following that he started loading crap into his truck so he could make room to clean the carpet…..with nothing, mind you. We don’t have a carpet cleaner yet. I swear he’s just messing with me to make me feel even worse. 

He’s stomped around the house, grabbing boxes that aren’t ready to go and things that aren’t packed and threw them into his truck. He’s off to the new house having done nothing helpful. There is no more room in here, the back isn’t cleaned out, there’s a pile of embarrassing junk furniture sitting outside my front door (landlady will freaking love that one) and I stopped packing to cry and guzzle down a beer. 

Oh. And it’s *that* time of my cycle where everything makes me cry. Haha. Good one Mother Nature. You bitch. 

Hahah!  I’m going to try to get drunk on beer, not an easy thing to do for me for some reason, even though I rarely drink anymore.  I will attempt to keep packing, if only to keep doing something, and will try not to worry about work while doing so. I’m already behind, the one boss is already annoyed, no sense in beating myself over it. There will be plenty of time for that tomorrow. 

Have I mentioned that I hate moving?  I wish we knew someone who could come help. I wish we hadn’t had this thrown on us so we had time to save some money to hire a moving company. I’m secretly worried that although I will do this, that it will throw me into a very bad pain spiral that will start to affect my ability to work….especially in this particular job. I was nearly there before and it took me years to manage it. It’s not worth it, I know, but what can I do?  It’s just me and Dayne (and Colt) against the world. It’s always been that way and I’m not counting on a change any time soon. 

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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

7 responses to “So close yet so far ”

  1. Birdie says :

    How much longer until your move in date?

  2. anxietybug88 says :

    Wow. Even with all the things going on, you’re dealing with the stress much better than I would. I admire you so much for that. I could barely handle a job in retail, and I’m pretty sure I would have quit the job you have if I was in your position, but bills are bills. I will pray for you that you can manage your stress sufficiently, and I’ll be think of you today. Keep going! You’re doing a great job. Don’t let anyone bring you down! 🙂

    • Grainne says :

      Well aren’t you the sweetest! Thank you so much for the encouraging words and kindness. You made me take a step back and realize that I’m actually coping pretty well considering. 🙂 much appreciated.

  3. Cat's Meow says :

    We moved last august and it makes everyone involved crazy and the whole process is a pretty miserable one. I know that thinking about one more thing at this point probably feels impossible, but something that we did to help was hire someone to help carry just the heavy stuff. It kept me from throwing my back out, which would have been a disaster.

    Best of luck on having it go as smoothly as possible.

  4. Ain't No Shrinking Violet says :

    “…and I stopped packing to cry and guzzle down a beer.” LOL

    That sounds pretty normal when you have to move and lift all that heavy crap!

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