Holy smokes I’m tired!
I feel like the glue that holds me together is starting to slip. I’m doing really well on the whole, considering the massive amount of stress at work and home right now. Well, home isn’t really all that stressful, just physically exhausting. I am horrified by how much crap we have accumulated in the last nine years…and when I say “we” I mean Dayne. The man is a pack-rat with a hoarding problem. Seriously…it’s ridiculous. He was emptying the attic on the weekend and we came upon boxes of invoices for utilities at places we haven’t lived in for over a decade. It was stuffed FULL of them. I went to throw them out and Dayne freaked and came stumbling across the kitchen, tripping on all the crap that is leaking out of everywhere as we sort and toss and pack.
“Nooooooo! Those have to be shredded and then burnt! They can’t go in the trash!” He chastised.
This, by the way, is exactly how we ended up dragging boxes of old bills around with us. *sigh* So, he didn’t want to have a fire that night so they were put in a bag with all the other old bills that must be shredded and then burned and there they sit. I’ll bet they end up coming with us when we move. lol… Ah well. It’s been fun getting rid of stuff anyway. We’ve made so many trips to the dump and the Salvation Army, they’re just waving us through now. There just seems to be more stuff in the places where we just emptied of stuff, as if it’s multiplying while we sleep. I can’t wait for this to be over with.
I worked really hard on the weekend and overdid it on Monday (was a stat here! Yay!) so when I went to lie down Monday night I was in so much pain I could barely breathe. My spine hurt from top to tail and my hands and feet were throbbing….my head was on a whole new level of throbbing and I was so dizzy. I didn’t think I did more than I should have but it was super muggy all day and I was sweating like crazy. I’m in that part of the month where I sweat non-stop anyway so this didn’t make it any more pleasant.
Went to bed Monday night and the pain was just crushing me. I was awake most of the night even though I was exhausted; kept waking because of the pain in one body part or another. Three or four times I woke to Dayne kneeling beside me, massaging some part of my body; legs, neck, shoulders, hands….he didn’t get any sleep himself but wouldn’t go downstairs to the couch because he couldn’t stand the thought of leaving me alone in the middle of all that. That made me kinda teary. His attention and love made me feel a lot better but, my mid-morning, I was a mess again only I was also losing consciousness on my feet. It was a throwback to the days when I was super exhausted and fell asleep everywhere. I could clearly feel the line between awake and asleep….had to fight hard to stay on the side of consciousness the entire time I was at work. If I stopped struggling, even for a moment, I would drift away only to snap awake moments later (I hope it was only moments – I have a glass walled office over here!) I felt so crappy I went for a walk, stopped when a wave of dizziness passed and closed my eyes, then fell asleep on my feet, in the hall, waking only when I felt my body start to tumble forward. I looked drunk, I’m sure, to the passers by. I called it then….packed up and went home for the day. I fell into my bed at 1:00 pm and woke only when Colt came in to hug me, and then again when Dayne came to bed. The next thing I remember was my alarm, which I snoozed for an extra fifteen minutes. I slept for 16.5 hours and woke up still tired. How the hell does that happen? OF course, I dreamed like mad the entire time. The pain eased a bit, which was great, and I’ve managed to get to work today without falling asleep so I suppose it was worth it. I’m going to have to seriously rest up so I can move in a couple weeks. Packing and moving in agony is too close to my recurrent dreams to stay absolutely mentally stable. I’m doing okay though. Hanging in there.
Work is a stressful ball of mess. I have made a couple of mistakes lately (not huge things, but big enough to beat myself up over). I missed a bill payment and charged something to the wrong cost centre. Not huge, like I said, but the bosses aren’t very forgiving and I hate to make mistakes like that. Too much going on in my world right now, I suppose.
I’ve been doing really well with the eating deal too. I’ve been tying to keep myself to 900 calories a day (a lot for me, unless I’m eating everything in the house all at once) to get my metabolism moving again but the 17 hour rest did me in. I woke not hungry at all and I’ve been not eating since….stupid. I have an apple here. Should eat that or the weight I’ve lost will pile right back on. I hate fat. I especially hate it on me, but….coping. Somehow.
Confidence. Just need to feel awake and alert and out of this fog for a few days and I’ll be back to my old self. Well, the good part of my old self, that is. lol…let’s be clear on that.
*deep breath* okay. Only 2.15 hours to go.