Omg I hate this woman
Heart pounding, anxiety through the roof I feel so exposed and invaded and like I want to run away. Landlord banging on the dooor every single time Dayne leaves trying to get me to let her in. First I hid under my blankets and then hid in colts room upstairs. Fucking tumbling into fear. She’s doing it on purpose. I hate this woman. I don’t do well with this at all.
I am so ashamed of the things in this shitty house. There are parts of the floor that have been damaged by a cat we had years ago. I found a spot of very old cat pee too….it hasn’t come up yet although I’ve tried twice. The basement is collapsing and the wall to the bathroom that faces the outside is rotted through. We did some cosmetic repairs around it a while ago but I think they’re going to try to blame us. The place is a dump and she has this impression that it was freaking beautiful when we moved in. I can’t deal with it when someone starts lying right to my face and won’t listen or back down. Mike did that to me all the time, saying I said things and did things I didn’t say or do. It tore me apart, made me frantic with desperation to have him listen, hear me… believe that I didn’t do the horrible things he accused me of. It’s exactly the same with her. They bully, bullshit and stand their ground no matter what the reality is. My dad was this type too. Surprise surprise.
Anyways. I freak out. Dayne gets mad. Then I freak out more and he feels guilty which turns to mad and I freak out even more. This is the worst side of me, this fragile, weak, useless part of me that just wants to crawl into my closet and hide behind the clothes like I did as a kid.
Stupid but true. More later