I did it. I went to the choir performance with my colleague from work. 🙂 it was fun, not too long, done very professionally and the singers were great. Was a nice way to spend a few hours.
My friend dropped me off at the ymca where I’ve met up with Dayne and Colton. They’re going to have a swim while I chill out in the lobby. I thought I’d be able to get a coffee or something here but the snack place is closed for the night. So. I’ll sit and wait for them to be done. My back is hurting me from the crappy seating in the music hall but I will most certainly live.
Interesting. My work friend was telling me all about her niece who is “severely depressed”. She told me how sad it all was and relayed a tale of how she called her up and they went to the movies together. My friend said she was so touched that her niece accepted the invitation because it was so far outside her normal comfort zone. Ha. This woman hasn’t the inkling that I might understand all that more than a normal, functioning adult. That got me thinking; I’m not really in a terrible dark place inside my head anymore and although a lot of my happiness is for show while I’m at work, it’s not hiding a deep pit of depression anymore. That’s kinda cool. Also, I didn’t have a twitch of anxiety in the concert hall and there were at least 1500 folks in there with me. Of course I’m having chest pains now which may be an after effect but overall, still fine. Also kinda cool.
I have several blog friends who are having significantly harder times than normal in their lives and I’m so wanting to help them through. I don’t know how though; I don’t understand the rules. I know that constantly telling someone I care about them is unhelpful and probably pushes them even farther away than they were, but I feel quite helpless. I’m worried I’m trying to force them to be my friends and in the new light I’ve been looking at my life in, that is a bad thing that won’t help either of us in the end. I guess I should just sit and wait for them to say they need me. Who does that though? Asks for someone to listen. 😦 The only person I could do that with is dead now and I can’t ask her for anything anymore. (Fuck Sara I miss you so damn much).
I will just quietly support them I suppose. What else can I really do? These people don’t think of me as friends anyway. I’m some voice in their phone that tries to keep them going when I can. Probably all backwards anyway. Everything else I do usually is.
So I did it. I went out to do something just for me with someone I quite like being around. It was hilarious, the reaction I got from Dayne and Colt though.
Colt: “UH mom? Where are you going?”
“To a orchestra and choir concert love, why?”
“Well, when will you be back? Who are you going with? Where is it? At your work?” (Work is the only place I go without him, ever.)
“I’m going with my friend from work, it is close to where I work but not the same place, and it will only be a couple of hours, sweetheart.” I answered.
“So you’re going to a concert with a choir with your friend?” He sounded incredulous. “But…why?”
Lol. Is it obvious I do nothing and go nowhere? Anyway. I went and here we all. Everyone visibly relaxed when they saw me waiting for them on the front steps of the Y.
“Okay mom. Now that we’re all back together again, dad and I are going swimming. See you in an hour!”
And here I sit.
I just turned to watch them in the pool for a second and they’re having such fun. Pretty decent Sunday, I think.