Lesson of the day
You know when you go out of your way to engage with someone you care for and do it in the most exposingly open way it leaves you feeling like you were just beaten by a bat? Yeah, I did that for someone I love. I tore into the heart of me and gave him everything I felt. You now what his response was?
“You are starting to seem like a bad choice. Is there really any need to elaborate on that?”
I seem to adore the ones who hate me. What the hell am I trying to do? I listen to my heart and no one wants me around. I feel nothing, ignore what I need and I’m the most wanted gal I town.
Why did he hurt me like that? I genuinely don’t understand. He did it on purpose. Asked for my support because he’s stressing over family issues and when I tried to give it I’m told I’m worthless. How can having someone in your life who loves you be a bad choice?
Why can’t I get this??! What is wrong with me? I try to reach out…I have a friend at work who had a bad time and I tried and tried to be there for her. I went out of my way to do so. She ignored me and put me off and I forgave that because I have felt that way before too. I finally got her attention and asked her out for a drink and she said yes then cancelled last minute. I forgave her that too. Now she’s happily hanging out with another friend, going out, going on trips and weekends away. All the while ignoring me and my attempts to be there for her. What the fuck?
Ok. So friend A doesn’t want me around. Friend B doesn’t want me around. I’m so tired of feeling so alone but I can’t seem to get this right no matter what I do.
The one friend I do have, Drew, I’ve barely talked to because I’m asleep the moment I get home most nights.
Trying hard to understand. Failing. Maybe I’m all emotional because I’m sick. Caught a respiratory thing at work so I’m home in bed today. 😦
Why am I so unlovable? Is there something you guys can see in me or have experienced through out blog friendship that you can help me understand?
It has to be my attachment style. I’m wired to mess things up.
I hate being sick and having time to think.