Headache and my little ticking timebomb
Thursday. I survived the work-dinner deal and actually managed to stay for quite a few hours. It’s a nice group of women so it wasn’t hard spending time with them….well, it was a little hard. As I’ve said before, in the job I have supporting two departments, one of the two managers is always feeling ‘put out’ as if I’m not spending enough time on their stuff in favour of the other. It’s historically been this way forever…so silly. I keep dragging them into the same conversations so they understand what I’m doing and how I’m spending my time. Mind you, I have a GLASS office. It’s not like I can sit in her picking my nose all day long. Anyway. I went. It was nice. I got home by 10 and was asleep mere moments later.
I’ve been doing my physiotherapy exercises and my leg/lower back continues to improve. I’m *very* pleased about this. But then, I did the new ones for my neck before I slept and I was feeling very stiff and sore. My shoulders, chest, neck and head were so tense and the pain was swelling beneath, I could clearly feel it. I thought I might be okay with the headache so just went to sleep rather than going downstairs for some meds to head it off….stupid plan. STUPID. I woke up at 3 am, screaming in pain. I was dreaming that I was lying on a road and no one could see me. Cars kept coming by and running over my head and I couldn’t scream or move….my head kept getting squashed and I found myself unable to breathe….I panicked and WHAM!! Awake, sitting up, clutching my head and hollering. Dayne jumped up and landed on his feet from a dead sleep and stared with wild eyes as he tried to piece together what was going on. I have never had a headache this bad, and that’s saying something.
These headaches come directly from my neck, wrap around my head and into my face. It’s not a “I can feel it in the back of my head” kind of headache, it’s a whole brain about to burst out of my skill kind of headache. Last night I could not take my hands from my head. I had to squeeze it from both sides applying counter pressure of some sort to keep from freaking right the hell out. I was mumbling “I think I need the hospital” over and over … this time, it felt like I was doing damage to myself somehow. Dayne scrambled downstairs and brought me a handful of Advil and some Neproxin along with two ice packs wrapped in face cloths. He held one to the back of my head where my spine meets my brain stem and I held one on my neck, just below the shoulder line. I was rocking back and forth like a lunatic and bawling…wailing, snot-dripping kind of bawling. For whatever reason, however, when I cry, I get a headache so the tears only compounded my pain. I got to the point that I didn’t think I could take it. I wanted to smash my head into the wall to at least focus the pain to one spot… it’s terrifying to feel pain so bad, in your head…I suppose it would be the same dread as feeling a pain around your heart. We are wired to react to pain and when it’s overwhelming, it makes you feel like you’re going to jump right out of your skin.
SO. I’m hesitant to try more exercises. I suppose I should be more diligent about the meds and keep trying…I’ll talk to him today. I wonder what he’ll say about it….doesn’t seem like “CPS” would react quite like that would it? I mean, that was not a psychosomatic headache. It was a direct reaction to putting pressure on the most crumbly bits of my spine and it slowly amped up over several hours until I did the exercises again and then wooooow did my body react. Does this mean it’s likely a physical issue? Maybe he’ll share his thoughts on the topic.
And Colt. He’s made it through Tues and today is his only other school day this week. Monday he stayed home with his dad (weather was terrible), Tues he did a great job and even got a note from the teacher. She said he is trying very hard to behave. The swearing has cut down substantially and he’s not being physical with anyone. Today, though, he’s what we call “ticking”. It’s a timebomb reference and it’s often rather accurate.
He woke grumpy. I heard his dad get him up and the first words out of Colt’s mouth were “Uh, no.” lol….uh ohhh. He grumpily came downstairs and started in with the whole:
“Hey mom, I think I’ll have a bad day at school today…” business.
I engaged him immediately and completely ignored his words, just kind of ran over them, told him I loved him and started tossing out the bribes. We have three packages of Shopkins…little plastic toys that look like grocery items. He just LOVES them. They sit in the kitchen, next to a star chart, tantalizingly close. I told him he would get two stars if he made it though today without swearing or hurting anyone. I tried not to build the pressure though because that does terrible things to his anxiety and he blows it, every time. I’m on pins and needles here, waiting for my phone to ring. 😦 I hope he’s okay. He had yesterday and Monday off, and tomorrow is a PD day so really, only two days, one of which only had about 10 kids in his class due to poor weather and cancelled buses (unluckily for him, the sitter drives them when the buses are not running).
Okay. Work now. Worry later. Figure out this pain while doing both. Will deal with the phone call when it comes.
Hope it’s warm where you all are. It was -24C when I left my house today. The bathroom in my cottage felt like it was far below zero. Might as well have an outhouse! Wakes you up pretty dang quick though…