Chronic Pain what now?

Well wasn’t that annoying.

I went to see a physiotherapist yesterday while hobbled with a bum leg and he assessed me, gave me exercises to do at home, and explained sciatica to me very clearly. I did the exercises as instructed and spend time with a heating pad on my arse for most of the night, got a good 10 hour sleep in and the pain was much less this morning. I went back today and he reassessed and said I was making progress. Then he asked to look at my neck.

He did the neurological exam that I always pass with flying colours. He did a decent job of collecting history as well, and seemed quite interested in my care, which was appreciated. After a few trial exercises, he found a set that should work for me and set up a schedule to do reps through the day and from home in the evening. He’s hoping there is some improvement.

He said there were two things going on. First, there was a physical problem that was causing pain. Physical issues can be fixed and/or reversed. He is treating my sciatica as if it is that sort of issue. He wants to treat my neck/back the same way, first, to see if anything helps. If not, he said I was looking at “chronic pain syndrome”. Now, that’s a term I had never heard before so I asked some questions. He refused to discuss it now, though, and said we should stay focused on the physical issues. If we can’t get rid of the pain, well, then we would consider chronic pain syndrome. So, I went back to my office and looked it up.

(Deep breath)

CPS, is basically a bullshit diagnosis they give when you don’t seem to have anything else. They say it’s real neurological or physiological pain that is being received by the brain, however, the injury that caused the pain has healed and gone. I didn’t tell him about being abused as that’s the most likely culprit right there. I think I’ll tell him next appointment….maybe. I think it will only cement his opinion on CPS. The internet tells me that it can come from anywhere, be caused by anything and is most common in folks who suffer from depression and/or anxiety. Ahem. Then it goes on to say that ptsd plays a huge role in it. With the arthritis starting the pain wheel going, my internal and emotional response to pain is massively heightened thanks to being hyper aware and fearful of more pain. I get that…I do….but I wonder why the psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist etc didn’t mention this to me when I was trying to get *anyone* to tell me it was all in my head so I could somehow let it go and not feel it anymore. They say it’s very complex (no shit) and hard to diagnose, but really, it doesn’t seem to be a diagnosis at all….just more reasons that don’t make proper sense.

It feels like a blow off. It feels like “oooh, you’re depressed AND anxious hey? Well then, you must have THIS” and then nothing happens. Like fibro, I guess…the disease that half the world doesn’t think is real while there are many suffering from it.

I dunno. I’m going to do my exercises and see if I get any improvement. I’m not sure what else to do. It’s kind of a good thing, maybe. Mind you, the physical issues I’m having are not disguised as anything else. My thumb was injured. My sciatic nerve is definitely beings squished. It’s not phantom pain with no cause. My teeth are brittle, my bones are brittle, my spine is degenerating at a remarkably fast pace….I have terrible, terrible headaches that I cannot stand….could those things be cause by faulty wiring? I’m not so sure. I’ll entertain this for a bit though.

I do need to keep in mind, he’s a physiotherapist, not a doctor. Never know though. It feels shitty. My life seems full of shitty things so I wouldn’t be surprised.

Sorry Grainne, you’re fucked in the head and your body hurts but it’s only because you’re fucked in the head? Gah. I don’t know what to think anymore.

The therapy really hurt my neck and shoulders so I’ve a headache and feel like I can’t breathe without pain. I have to go to my bosses house for dinner tonight. Hopefully it will pass quickly and I’ll get back to bed where I don’t have to deal with this particular shit.

Don’t know how to feel. I give up for today, anyway.


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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

9 responses to “Chronic Pain what now?”

  1. KittyHere says :

    He sounds like a good care provider even if not a doc. I had one PT person who got very mad at a doctor who gave me a sheet of bad exercises and said “why don’t the MDs stick with handling the meds but let us do what we know–the exercises.” I admired her for that. (Plus that backed me up on the fact I did not start those exercises being pretty sure they could damage me further). So use each care provider for what they can do best along with your own gut instincts.

    • Ain't No Shrinking Violet says :

      Sometimes sciatica can be healed with exercise, and lots of times it simply relents on it’s own. It’s much too soon to give up hope that it will just go away, especially if you’ve seen improvement already.

      As both a medical nurse and a psychiatric nurse, I encourage you NOT to tell anyone in the medical field about the abuse. They will use it to blow you off, just like you thought. You can tell a therapist about it for sure but not medical people. The CPS diagnosis has been around forever, and it is a crap diagnosis they throw people into when they have nothing else. I would try your exercises to see if they help…but if they end up giving you agony (like they did today), I don’t think I’d do it myself. Like the above commenter said, use your own judgement along with medical advice. I hope you feel better soon!

      • Grainne says :

        Thank you. I know this so well…I don’t even know why I considered it, actually. I needed that reminder and I will take that sound advice. 🙂

    • Grainne says :

      Err…I tried to reply to your comment and it popped up below. So, lol, please see the comment I left on my own post below.

  2. Ellen says :

    I wouldn’t bring up the abuse or any psych type issues either. Medical type people stop taking you seriously if you do, in my experience. Even if you don’t, if they don’t know what to do, they try to blame “stress” and tell you to go meditate or whatever. My two cents’.

    Hope the exercises help! It sounds like he is far from throwing in the towel, actually.

    • Grainne says :

      Thanks Ellen. I think you are right. They (the entire medical community) already blame the “stress” of raising a disabled child. They conveniently skip the fact that I had this before Colt was even conceived.

      Ah well … Solider on. Xx.

  3. Grainne says :

    The therapist I work around are forever advocating for their patients so I know the type. Sounds like you got a good one. I think he is a good physiotherapist, is truly taking the time to figure me out. I’ll stick with it for now. See where it goes. Xo

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