One happy day
Ahhh last hours of work until I’m off for a week. I was … passive aggressively nudged into being here today by the bosses because there’s only one person on the front desk (and almost no patients to check in but…whatever…) and they hate to leave her all alone. Now, mind you, when I have to cover the desk due to illness they don’t fall all over themselves trying to get ME any backup…lol…but I guess that’s because I’m just that good. (ha! Lies, it’s just circumstance but I’m taking it where I can get it!)
Anyway. I’m here until noon. I have some stuff to do that I couldn’t really care less about (today) and I’m looking forward to waking up tomorrow to Colt’s smiles and his muted brand of excitement. He’s actually doing really well this year with the anticipation and such. Most years of his life so far have been carefully orchestrated to avoid the huge buildup to things today’s society seems to love. He is not a child who will happily count down the days to his birthday so he can get presents and cake. He’s never had a birthday party of any sort…he just shorts out and stops functioning. One year, everyone at daycare made a fuss over his birthday and by the time I picked him up he was miserable and loudly declared several times that is was NO LONGER HIS BIRTHDAY so we could quit with the attention. When we got home he took one look at his pile of present (so excitedly chosen, wrapped and arranged by me, his clueless mom) and was completely done.
“I don’t want these, I won’t open them, I hate my birthday and I’m going to bed!” my sweet boy announced as he stomped up the stairs while quiet tears slid down my cheeks.
I nearly sunk into a sadness then, that I have only experienced in motherhood, but caught myself before it took control. I moved his presents to a spot near his toy box (who am I kidding, the entire lower floor of our home was/is his toy box) and took down the steamers and balloons. I took the cake out of the fridge and set it on the kitchen table and then quietly set about making dinner. About 30 minutes passed before Colt came down and I heard him poking his presents, wondering what might be inside.
“Hey babe?” I said “I’m sorry your birthday was so busy. I put your presents there for you to open whenever you want.”
“Okay mom but DON’T WATCH!” I was instructed.
I followed his requests, kind of…I peeked from the kitchen, as he opened one of the presents. The moment he saw what it was (doubtlessly a Thomas the Tank Engine something or other) a smile broke through and he felt better; came running to me in the kitchen with excitement to show me his new train. From that celebration onward we kept it all very low-key so we didn’t ruin his fun.
Now…years later, we had kept the same routine going. Christmas was a quietish event without too much “Only ten more days…..” going on. We don’t do trips to sit on Santa’s knee (you should see the horrified look on his face when I suggest it…lmao…it’s priceless. I should try to snap a pic this year with Santa in the background, Colt’s face twisted as if I had just asked him to eat a handful of bugs lol). We would occasionally take quiet drives to see the Christmas lights up on houses but other than that, it was a laid back event. This year, however, he seems more able to cope with the excitement.
This year, Colt asked if we could have a Christmas tree IN the house. (Trees don’t go in houses, you see, they belong outside so when you bring one inside everything seems upside down). He wanted to put some lights up as well, which his dad and I responded to immediately with joy as we both love Christmas lights. He asked about the Turkey (is all ready to go in my fridge right now!) and presents and wondered if we might all sit around the tree on Christmas morning like we did last year, taking turns at opening presents. Because we have no one but ourselves, we manage to treat ourselves at Christmas time and everyone gets fun presents. This year I got Dayne a (ridiculously priced) tech bag for work. He watched the Youtube videos on it for hours and hours this past fall like he was in love. The goofy, far away look in his eyes convinced me…he was getting that bag if I had to sacrifice everything I wanted from October onward, and I accomplished it AND it arrived by courier yesterday while he was at the store getting last minute dinner fixings. *GRINS* Couldn’t be more awesome.
Also, this year, Colt actually asked for something. Last year he asked for the exact same gift he got the year before because he liked the way it felt getting it….(he didn’t really want it either time). This year he’s all obsessed with these silly little plastic toys called “Shopkins”. It’s a girly thing…little characters that are all food stuff. They come in tiny picnic baskets and you can collect 150 of them. There are special “limited edition” ones hidden in each package and he is soooooo hoping he gets “Starburst Candy Sparkle”. He asked, specifically, for the 12-pack and we got him two of those plus a handful of singles. He’ll be so excited to get them….even if the fad only lasts through Christmas, he will be one happy boy. (I absolutely adore the fact that Dayne went out and got these for him. For his son. Colt loves My Little Pony’s and girly Youtube channels and he talks about them with Emily and his little harem of girls at school. Dayne is a manly-man….before we had Colt I used to tease him about letting his son dress up like a princess for Halloween one day and he would just boil. lol….good on him for letting his son be exactly who he is without stereotypes. I love that man, and our boy. 🙂
So tomorrow morning will be filled with fun for us. Colt is totally into this Christmas thing this year…he’s chosen some Christmas Carols to listen to in the morning and has been doing a count down in his head for over 20 days (MOM! IT’S FINALLY ONE DAY TILL THE BIG DAY!! he yelled in my ear this morning). I’m so freaking excited. It feels like the sort of Christmas I used to imagine when I was young, that I would share with my family and children. I can hardly wait. I’ll be taking and posting a bunch of pics tomorrow, because, why not. I want to share a little joy around here for once.
Merry Christmas to all my friends in blog land. You guys have been with me through a lot and I genuinely appreciate all of your words of support and advice, even if you never comment along the way. To those of you that have been here the longest (especially my beautiful friend Kitty, being on my support team for years), thank you. You guys give me a place to be free where I don’t need to hide how I feel. It means more than any of you know.
xox Much love from me. Nothing but the best, to You.