This body of mine…

Ahh well now that makes a little more sense. This weekend, starting Friday evening, I was in so much pain I could barely stand to be awake. I managed to get the grocery shopping done on Saturday and then returned home, hit the couch and slept from 4:00 pm until Sunday at 830 am. I got up, got some laundry done, went to get one more errand run and was home by noon. Dayne had to work for a couple of hours and by the time he was done, I was out again. We both tried hard to get me up but I wasn’t able to fight off the exhaustion…just kept passing out on my feet or otherwise. I was afraid I was going to fall and hurt myself so I lay back down and then I was out cold again in mere moments. this is the sort of reaction I get from taking two pain pills or two muscle relaxers in one day but I hadn’t taken more than my usual one of each upon waking. Incredible, how badly these stupid meds affect my body. I’ve grown accustomed to the effects of both first thing in the morning but I still can’t take two or three (like I’m supposed to) if I want to remain conscious for more than a couple of hours per day.

I just ran upstairs for a coffee (green tea wasn’t cutting it today) and there was a lovely silver jewelry booth setting up. I’ve missed those little sales…they have such amazing companies come and sell their wares outside the cafeteria I never go to. πŸ™‚ This one is a great company who guarantee their stuff for life. If you break a chain, replaced; if you scratch or damage a ring, replaced. For life. Pretty amazing deal. I found a lovely white crystal ring with a really cool bridge on it and it looks perfect next to my labrodorite or amber ring (depends on how I’m feeling that morning). It was only $40 so I threw it on my credit card, guiltily. lol…I needed a pick me up though and really, I would have happily spent three times that much so I consider this a victory. πŸ˜‰

Still really hurting though. My neck/spine/head/jaw/face has such a terrible ache going on I keep wanting to smash my face into the wall to make it dissipate some. Black eyes aren’t my style though so…must find another source of relief. The lovely little ring put a smile on my face anyway. Can’t hurt, well, until Dayne figures out what the charge on the card was for. lol. He doesn’t usually look too close and I’m really good about not spending money so I’ll bet he forgives me this one.

We were chatting last night about how much worse my back is getting. I’m denying it as much as possible but I know it’s true. It’s not just stress anymore…not just a hurdle to jump. I’m not able to live normally anymore and it’s starting to scare Dayne. He watched from across the room as tears slid down my cheeks for a hour….I wasn’t even sad, it was just so painful inside my body I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. Of course, that makes the pain worse, crying. Dayne sat with me and tried hard not to plead, but really thinks I need to get on top of finding a different way to make some money. If I can get something going now I might be able to swing down to part time for my job here at the hospital. I know they’d have little trouble job splitting this one (half and half between two people). I would be able to work out benefits and would continue with my pension contributions and have much reduced hours. One thing this place does very well is accommodate disabled employees. It seems a way out of this mess, if nothing else. Mind you, I need to find that alternate source of income before anything can happen. Writing will likely be the route I will take because it’s something I can do day or night, well or unwell, depressed or elated. If I could just drop the fear and get myself to focus and not be asleep the moment I can be, I might get a bit further ahead. All I know is right now, while I’m in this much pain while mostly medicated, I’m not feeling all that optimistic. 😦 It hurts my fingers to my jaw when I type, plus, my sciatic nerve is firing off like crazy every time I sit…stand…lie down. God I hate that pain almost more than the headaches. Those are getting out of control too…those damn headaches. I don’t know what to do other than plow through it all. So. Plowing.

Wow I just wasted four hours. I feel like a zombie today. *sigh* Hope you guys are having a better day than I am.

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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

3 responses to “This body of mine…”

  1. Charlotte says :

    Hello Grainne,
    My sister uses a dictation software called Dragon for all of her university work. She says it is really good. Maybe it could help you with your writing? http://www.nuance.co.uk/dragon
    Gentle hugs,
    Charlotte x

  2. KittyHere says :

    We are having a raw cold and wet day here. My hands are stiff. Having that feeling all over plus pain must be awful. You are amazing to handle it as well as you do.

    Glad you splurged on the ring. Enjoy. Don’t guilt yourself over it.

    • Grainne says :

      I love my ring. It’s such a little thing but I needed a boost. Today I think I’ll need to buy a ten week cruise to make up for how I’m feeling. *sigh* If you see any good deals, let me know? (lol)

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