Last year of my 30’s
Well here it is, the last year f my 30’s starting off with a bang. My computer is broken. I boted it up after a few months of no use (I’ve been asleep) and it booted fine, just fizzled out when i tried to open my desktop. It doesn’t look like windows…the drive doesnt even start. The fan whirs and the screen goes into sleep mode and nothing happens. All my fucking photos (again) are on that drive so i hope it’s not fried. The damn thing isn’t more than two years old. Maybe it got hit in one of those terrible lightning storms this summer. The house took a few shocks and the panel blew a few times (suddenly remembers a strange, metal/plastic burning smell that we never found the source of after a storm one day….). Crap. I was going to buy a new one, however,on my way out this morning the truck died. My car, sitting prone and immobile directly beside the piece of shit truck, is unfixable. Well, unworthy at best. The truck now being in need of repair only makes the bullshit smell so much sweeter.
So I can’t leave the house. And I can’t use my computer. The only two things I do other than sleep.
So. It’s my birthday. Colt gave me a hug and Dayne mumbled something at me this morning. I bought myself underwear and a cheap silver ring and….yay me. At least I didn’t have to walk home from town today. That would have super sucked.
Today is weirdly difficult for me. No one calls, no one cares and I’m a big girl now and Santa isn’t real so I should just shut the fuck up and go to sleep. Right? Might as well. It’s after 4 pm so technically evening. Down a beer, pass out, wake up for Dayne’s Turkey, cause it’s thanksgiving too. Oh so much to be thankful for. My health…oh wait. Mentally and physically fucked. How could I forget. My sons health and happiness? Nope. He’s miserable upstairs in his room because no one likes him. All the while the school tries to plot its way out of educating him. Family? Hahahaha.
I miss my mom the most today.
Fuck it then. Back to dreams of misery. At least I can occasionally wake from those ones.