The best Canada Day ever :)
Hey All. 🙂 Okay, this new job is going so well I can barely believe it myself. I know I’ve said it before (recently) but I really love it here. I fit in again, in a way that I haven’t felt for a very long time. Each morning I see everyone leaving rounds and as they pass my office they all stop to say hi or wave hello….everyone asks how things are going and they smile huge, bright smiles as they start their day. They CARE about people here. Seriously…. it’s like when I first started working here a decade ago. I LOVE it. Love. Love. Love. SO freaking happy it’s almost unreal and I keep wondering when the second shoe will drop.
Also happy news, the pressure is off Colt for the summer….no more school. Sadly, he’s been super stressed this last week and I’m not sure why. There’s a sadness in his eyes that I’ve never seen before and it breaks my heart. I suspect this will be the beginning of a hard time for him…poor guy. Things eventually sink in and I think he’s starting to really contemplate his life and the differences between himself and his peers. Then again, it might not bother him at all….might just be me overthinking again. Still, he is sad and it hurts to watch. That said….we had an awesome Canada Day. For the first time in his life he said he was willing to try the parade and fireworks!!! The autism causes a general overstimulation of senses so things like loud noises, crowds, bright lights, and excitement really stress him out… well, used to anyway 🙂 🙂 🙂 We went to the parade and stood a little bit back but when a float of his classmates went by representing the school sports team someone caught sight of him and yelled out:
“Hey!! It’s Colt! Hi Colt!!!” and they all joined in, waving and smiling. Colt thought he was a superstar and beamed ear to ear. (I freaking love those kids. They try so hard to make him feel included).
After a day of just hanging around and playing outside we went downtown (in our little town) and watched the fireworks. They put on a fantastic display and Colt….well, my little hero was so excited! He sat close to me throughout the show because they were very loud and colourful but he was so into it! He only covered his ears for the first few minutes and then, just like every other kid there, marveled at the explosions. There were a few anxiety behaviors going on but he had himself so in control I was beaming with pride; tears too…I’ve wanted to share something like this with him for a good ten years now. It hurt me to think he’d not have those memories of fireflies and staying up late to watch Canada Day celebrations and firework shows. It was, by far, the best experience of the summer. D and I couldn’t stop smiling.
My health is okay…the pain is worse here at my new campus for some reason…it’s a lower lying area…maybe more damp? I’ve tried to gently adjust my meds without falling into a coma-like sedation but I’ve been struggling a little. I had to be alert to learn my new role so the consequence was a lot of pain. It’s leveling off now, I think, and I’m not needing to be asleep by 5pm so, that’s a good thing if nothing else. The scary part is what happens to my body when I reduce any of the meds….I hate knowing what’s underneath all that medication. The pain is very bad and my stomach is a damn mess. I went two days without my stomach meds and I was throwing up everything before the second day was over. There is a lot of pain in my stomach, which I suppose is the ulcers, but also burning pain and intestinal cramping and upset, plus the scalding burn from my stomach all the way to my throat. *Sigh* I hate being dependent on drugs to be able to function. It’s like the muscle relaxer trial I did a month ago….the pain came crashing back in and I wasn’t able to tolerate it for longer than a few days. Scares me, that. What will happen if these meds stop working? (Not thinking about that one today – will take it as it comes).
All things considered, I have my mind well wrapped around life these days. I’m feeling more balanced, more capable…more level. It’s kind of annoying because I know that the change is because, in part, I’m surrounded by people who like me and think like me. I wish I could hold onto this confidence in the face of adversity. Will have to work on that one. 😉
Hope everyone has a great day! xo