Happy and hurting….but mostly happy

D is just filling me up with support and love this week. He’s been so patient and seriously kicked in this weekend when I knocked myself out going for an hour long walk around a community garage sale (found a ton of great little trinkets. Best score was a sterling cuff bracelet for a buck!). He tidied the house, did the garbage and recycling, hung out with Colt. Was so appreciated. I felt like I let him down…it was Father’s Day after all, but I did get him some new shorts and some sunglasses he’s been wanting so it wasn’t a total bust. He’s just so able to forgive me… It’s quite heart warming.

Me is finally leaving me alone and all the sadness he brings has evaporated into the air. I feel so free of his crap..didn’t realize how much he was holding me down, even in friendship. (Or whatever you call it when you care for someone who only ever seems to want to hurt you). I’ve happily avoided his blog for weeks and he’s blocked everywhere else so of he’s writing I’m not even aware of it. He’s someone else’s problem now. I hope he stays away forever. πŸ™‚

My new job is a good one. I found a place that is full of good people who care foremost for the patient. !!! It’s a bit of an anomaly around here, sadly. These guys just want to help. They care. Work hard and get along for the most part. They come by in a steady stream welcoming me to the program and they tell me how happy they are to have me. It’s surreal but very rewarding so far. The job itself is very like my job in Transplant which was my favourite job here. It was the people who made it so good there and it’s the same here.

I know quite a few of the professional staff from other jobs I’ve held as most of our staff are deployed to different departments. One whom I adored, Nancy, greeted me with a huge hug and told me she’s been spreading te word that they are very lucky to have me. :). Could I feel any more welcome? Not by much.

So all is well just now. I get another week of training after this one so I’m confident I’ll be just fine here.

The pain is up and down but I’m medicating myself consistently so I don’t end up losing focus to it. Will reassess in a few weeks as to the new routine.

Boringness in words. Lol. Why is there nothing to say when I feel decent?

I’ve been dreaming of my family but it was likely Father’s Day that threw me. That said, I don’t miss him nor did I even think of him on Father’s Day. I think I’ve finally let go of all the attachment issues there. It’s not been haunting me for years now. Maybe I’ve healed something inside me?? I hope that’s true. I’ve worked hard on it and my self worth depends on it, really. I worry at times that I’m just distancing from it all but I don’t think that’s the case. I feel strong and whole when I think is them not being in my life. That can’t be a bad thing.

Okay. Back to work for me. (Loving this hour long lunch break!).


About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

2 responses to “Happy and hurting….but mostly happy”

  1. Ellen says :

    Happy for you. πŸ™‚

  2. paindepression says :

    Awesome! You deserve all the good people and to be happy!

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