The last of the lies
I’ve learned something. Well…part of this I’ve always known. People who accuse others of lying to them all the time are usually the ones telling the lies, even if just to themselves. M has pushed a button again and it was a bad one this time. Actually, it’s the second time he’s pulled this crap and both times were equally painful. The first time, D was there and watched me burst into tears after opening an email from M. He came around to see my screen with anger and protection in his eyes and actually teared up when he read it.
M likes to lie about people to make him feel better about himself and his own shitty life. He takes the time to get to know you, I suspect, simply so he can cut you as deep as possible when he feels like tearing you down.
Twice now, I’ve let him do this to me, but…never again. He won’t get another chance. He makes up idiotic stories about how I’m a junkie addicted to hard drugs (I’m sure the hospital, my family and everyone around me just missed the signs???) and bashes my character. I used to really hurt over these things but he’s done it so often I’m desensitized, I suppose. The one thing though…the one thing that made me actually love him less…he starts going off about my son. He’s written that he doesn’t believe that Colt is autistic. He says that he is sure, despite never having met Colt or even inquired into his life in all the years we’ve known each other, that Colt suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome instead. He claims I drank through my pregnancy, which is opposite of how I behaved. The guy didn’t even know me then so this lie is so see-through it’s almost invisible.
I did not touch a drop of alcohol while pregnant. I didn’t even take Tylenol. I don’t do drugs, never have and never will. He knows all of this but it’s the lowest blow he can deal from where he sits so he takes it.
The only thing in my life I feel like I’ve succeeded at is raising Colt so far. I pride myself on it…live for it sometimes. It’s the one thing that has kept me going for the last decade…and he wants to deny me that, just to hurt me. Just to be vicious and cruel. But then, I’m not sure why I’m surprised; this is exactly who M is and always was. He is so full of hate and anger he was never happy unless he managed to drag me down as low as he was. Reminds me so much of my father.
I was going to be his friend. I wanted to be there for him as he makes some difficult changes in his life. I tried supporting him, caring for him, suggesting things…he rejected all of it. My reward for being kind was to be rewritten into something I am not, inside his head.
His psychiatrist apparently tells him not to believe that I am hurt, or rather, not to feel guilty for hurting me. I can only imagine the lies he’s told this guy. I’m just going to count my blessings, close all of my email accounts and move on with life. I’ll send each of you a new email to contact me at, should you want to. Grainne214 will be closed fairly soon.
Time to allow myself some self respect and put an end to letting people hurt me. That seems like a good goal don’t you think?
Anyway. More later friends. xx Gotta get some payroll stuff entered before the world falls apart again. lol.