Took the job. I feel terrible, but like I made the right decision.
Oh my goodness do I ever feel bad! I just firmed up my decision with my current boss, about taking the other job. She understands, of course. It’s more money and permanent so it’s easy to understand. She’s annoyed, of course, because she’s now got to hire someone new but….I have to look out for me in the end right? No one else will…and I have a family to take care of. I feel a gazillion times better just knowing I am able to support my half of things again. (Phew!)
People here are mad at me now, for leaving them. Then again, one of the nurses combed through my entire scheduling binder on the weekend and made me a note of all the ‘errors’ he found. “X is on the front sheet but not properly coded in the schedule, Y is on the assignment sheet but her hours aren’t totaled up on the call in sheet…” crap like that. I’m trying hard to keep up and be accurate but they will find every tiny detail and seem to delight in bringing it to everyone’s attention. The last girl in this role had a terrible time with them. I can see things degrading in the future here, which helps support my decision well. I still feel a bit sick with guilt though. 😦 That’s so me…
My back is making me wish I had taken a lot more pain meds today. My hand too…that stupid thumb joint is driving me bananas. It’s such a small thing in the grande scheme of things but WOW is it ever annoying. The sweating is bad enough but now, when I wake, my hand is swollen and my thumb won’t flex. It locks in one spot, I force it past, it locks in the next spot, I force it past. Painful. I took a small handful of Advil on the weekend to help cut some of the pain I was in and while having a cup of tea with D I suddenly realized my thumb didn’t hurt anymore!! I was so happy until I remembered the Advil. Fuck. Anti-inflammatory works? Looks like arthritis is the culprit. I was hoping for a bone spur or cyst…something removable. I’m so thankful it’s my left thumb though…amazing how little you use that digit in daily life.
My back is just a mess of tension and pain. I’m still way down on meds to keep my brain sharp (and to keep from passing out at my desk mid-day). I took a bit more on the weekend and both days (all three, actually) I needed to sleep by 1 pm. I was trying to finish something online at my little desk when I started passing out. It got worse and worse until I was asleep and D kept coming in to try to move me to the couch. I eventually got there and although I was up for dinner, I was out again by 7. Too much sleep. Too many dreams. Plus, something about it makes me hurt more and I can’t get away from it.
Okay, that’s all the time I have for the pain today. Will have to carry on and try to not let it pull me under. Back to work for me. Onto a new adventure soon too. 🙂 Can’t hurt, I suppose. xx