Took the job. I feel terrible, but like I made the right decision.

Oh my goodness do I ever feel bad!  I just firmed up my decision with my current boss, about taking the other job.  She understands, of course.  It’s more money and permanent so it’s easy to understand.  She’s annoyed, of course, because she’s now got to hire someone new but….I have to look out for me in the end right?  No one else will…and I have a family to take care of.  I feel a gazillion times better just knowing I am able to support my half of things again.  (Phew!) 
People here are mad at me now, for leaving them.  Then again, one of the nurses combed through my entire scheduling binder on the weekend and made me a note of all the ‘errors’ he found.  “X is on the front sheet but not properly coded in the schedule, Y is on the assignment sheet but her hours aren’t totaled up on the call in sheet…”  crap like that.  I’m trying hard to keep up and be accurate but they will find every tiny detail and seem to delight in bringing it to everyone’s attention.  The last girl in this role had a terrible time with them.  I can see things degrading in the future here, which helps support my decision well.  I still feel a bit sick with guilt though. 😦  That’s so me…
My back is making me wish I had taken a lot more pain meds today.  My hand too…that stupid thumb joint is driving me bananas.  It’s such a small thing in the grande scheme of things but WOW is it ever annoying.  The sweating is bad enough but now, when I wake, my hand is swollen and my thumb won’t flex.  It locks in one spot, I force it past, it locks in the next spot, I force it past.  Painful.  I took a small handful of Advil on the weekend to help cut some of the pain I was in and while having a cup of tea with D I suddenly realized my thumb didn’t hurt anymore!!  I was so happy until I remembered the Advil.  Fuck.  Anti-inflammatory works?  Looks like arthritis is the culprit.  I was hoping for a bone spur or cyst…something removable.  I’m so thankful it’s my left thumb though…amazing how little you use that digit in daily life. 
My back is just a mess of tension and pain.  I’m still way down on meds to keep my brain sharp (and to keep from passing out at my desk mid-day).  I took a bit more on the weekend and both days (all three, actually) I needed to sleep by 1 pm.  I was trying to finish something online at my little desk when I started passing out.  It got worse and worse until I was asleep and D kept coming in to try to move me to the couch.  I eventually got there and although I was up for dinner, I was out again by 7.  Too much sleep.  Too many dreams.  Plus, something about it makes me hurt more and I can’t get away from it. 
Okay, that’s all the time I have for the pain today.  Will have to carry on and try to not let it pull me under.  Back to work for me.  Onto a new adventure soon too.  🙂  Can’t hurt, I suppose.  xx

About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

5 responses to “Took the job. I feel terrible, but like I made the right decision.”

  1. paindepression says :

    It’s too bad that they all can’t see the big picture behind why you are leaving. It’s not like you did it to spite them. Funny how the true evil colors come out of them now that they know you are leaving. I say you made the right decision for sure, it was only a matter of time before those true colors came out if you stayed.

  2. Mental Mama says :

    Sounds like taking the new job will end up being a good thing for lots of reasons. Hang in there sweetie. *hugs*

  3. Pete says :

    Good on you for looking after yourself (I wish I could sweet twin)
    Uggh I have found out I have arthritis in both shoulders from heavy weight training in my twenties, so just add that pain on to the rest of my agony and fatigue and chuck ‘Celebrex’ into the mix with all my other tablets!

    • Grainne says :

      Oh god Celebrex?? That’s the horrid drug that gave me three bleeding ulcers and endless stomach troubles. Be careful with that one love. (It affects everyone differently but wow, did that shit eat a hole in my stomach!)

      I just started having issues with my hands. lol…I guess we’re back in sync! xx

      • Pete says :

        Oh boy thanks hun, if it does that to you odds on it will hit me the same way! Very effective drug but I have had the odd queasiness. Bugger that now, anyway the Dr only gave me a trial of 10 tablets.
        Yep back in sync, what’s new huh?

        Love ya,

        Pete xo

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