The plot thickens.

OH my goodness, gracious.  This is getting harder and harder.  I came into work today, focused and more or less ready to make my decision to take the permanent job I’ve been offered, full-time, more money etc.  Of course, the moment I get here I’m greeted by the nurses, all happy and smiling…so pleased to see me.  Again I was told how well I was fitting in here…doing a great job.  😦  I love this feedback and feeling so much.  One of the nurses I haven’t met in person yet (he works nights mostly) came by to let me know that he’s really appreciated the things I’ve done for him…arrangements made etc.  He said I was doing a fantastic job, to keep up the great work and let me know that if I ever needed support to let him know and he’d speak up for me.  (He’s been here a while..knows of the bully issues that have happened in the past).  What a nice thing to say to someone who is in a new role. 
 
I messed up one nurses shifts on the schedule today but she was SO understanding and sweet about it.  I apologized profusely and they all started to console me…
 
“No no no honey!  You’re doing an amazing job…you have to learn, we all make mistakes!” 
 
DAMN these people are wonderful.  It’s like a dream job to me.  Then, there is the security, pay and opportunity with the new place.  I’m so fucking confused now….D even told me that if I want to stay here and take my chances, he’d support me all the way.  I barely make enough to cover rent and daycare.  Can we live like this?  So cash poor?  We don’t even own a house yet…no savings, no retirement aside from my pension here, which will vanish if I can’t get into the union when the time comes and this job is posted.  Maybe I’ll be happy over at the new place too….all I know is it’s making me want to cry, the thought of leaving this place. 
 
Why does this happen to me?  Why am I always in a state of having to settle for something I don’t really want and have to give up the things I do?  Is it something I’m doing??  How do I stop it from happening if so?  😦 
 
I have to decide today.  I’ll let you guys know which way I go.  Any suggestions, support or hugs would be super appreciated today.  xox
 
One of the nurses just popped in to let me know she works with autistic kids on her days off.  She has some resources for me…asked me out for lunch one day to discuss.  FUCK!  WHYYYYYYY?  Why is this place so great?  Damn Damn Damn…. :S
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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

4 responses to “The plot thickens.”

  1. KittyHere says :

    Golly Miss Molly. Coin toss?

  2. Mental Mama says :

    Good luck, sweetie…

  3. Hope says :

    I’m sorry the choices are so difficult. Know that I’ll care about you and support you no matter what choice you make.

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