Colt is struggling, still

Oh holy crap.  So Colt is not doing very well at school this week.  I’m not sure what’s changed but he is acting out, moody, threatening, angry….  He was fine last night, in fact, he’s fine every night when I pick him up.  D says he’s been happy and smiling when dropped off each morning.  The sitter said he was an angel for her on Wednesday when he had his day off.  Is it the teacher?  I’m not sure but wow…this is tough to navigate. 
 
The message I got from yesterday was that he was refusing to do any work for his EA, was using threatening language with her…telling her he’d hit her and swear at her if she didn’t stop making him work.  Then he was sent to the office and did a bit of work there with the principal watching over him (She loves him…I’m not sure how long that will last now…I hope she understands).  When he went back to class in the afternoon he was just as off…he threatened to punch his teacher and made a fist.  After several threats he eventually tapped her lightly with his hand….making good on his promise.  He’s still swearing at people, threatening to swear.  He’s refusing to do anything asked, yelling things like how he doesn’t care anymore, they can kick him out of school and he’ll stay home, grounded, forever.  What am I going to do guys?  He’s not a toddler I can bribe with rewards and sticker charts anymore…he’s almost my size, is turning ten and is quite capable of making good on the threats he’s making. 
 
The only thing I can think of is that his old teacher (who took the rest of the year off due to some kind of medical leave) didn’t force him to do very much work.  There seemed a ton of free time but Colt was so happy we didn’t push it very much.  The replacement teacher is very young, new and has something to prove so she’s trying hard to make him do his work.  He is resisting, angry and unwilling.  I have no idea what to do….I’m starting to think I should have put him in the autism program with all the isolated kids…he needs more direction (maybe)?  Structure?  This teacher is trying hard but he is trying harder.  Damnnnnn…this is frustrating.  They will, eventually, kick him out and say he’s a danger to himself/others.  Then we’re right fucked.  I guess we could move then, anywhere we wanted….we’ll lose all the connections and support he’s got anyway, if he keeps this up.  He’s alienating all the kids who played with him…telling them to fuck off.  Literally. 
 
This is so heartbreaking.  This morning he was so lovely.  He got up early and came downstairs to say good morning and to see if he could play with his ipad until it was time to get up (it’s been taken away at night because he wasn’t sleeping when we left it near or in his room.  Would get up at 3 am and play for hours, then go to school exhausted and bitchy).  We’ve been making him sleep the night…D’s been sleeping in his bed to make sure he gets enough rest.  There was absolutely zero change in him though…  Anyway.  He came down and gave me a big smile, kiss and a hug.
 
“I Finally get to see you in the morning!”  He cheered, happy to see me because I’m gone before he wakes with these new hours. 
 
He told me he loved me, promised to have a better day at school, but then, I didn’t know about yesterday and he’d flat out lied…said it was a perfect day.  I feel like I want to be sick.  How do I do this guys?  What can I do to help him cope…I don’t even know what’s wrong.  😦 😦 😦  Colt cannot answer that question for me. 
 
“Why are you so angry?”  – ‘because I was mad’
 
“Why did you not want to play with your friends?”  – ‘I was rude and swore at them’
 
“Are you unhappy at school?”  – ‘No, I love school’
 
“Are you frustrated at school?”  – I don’t know’
 
“Did someone pick on you or make you angry?” – ‘Nope.  Everyone was nice to me.’
 
“Are you finding the work too hard” – ‘Nope!  I do all my work!’
 
“What can I do to help you?”  – “I don’t know.’
 
“Are you sad?”  –  “No!  I’m happy.’
 
There’s no motive for him.  He doesn’t relate to one thing connecting to the next.  He doesn’t put things together like that….we have to tell him constantly that he is tired and cranky in school because he doesn’t get enough sleep at night.  He doesn’t have any impulse control. 
 
So stressful.  I want so much for him to succeed.  I want him to try and not to act like a brat or a bully.  He only cares when he’s getting in trouble for it…and then, it’s not that he let us down or hurt a friend…it’s that he will lose something in being grounded that makes him cry. 
 
My head hurts.  What do I do?
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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

7 responses to “Colt is struggling, still”

  1. KittyHere says :

    Ummm, I think I was that teacher once. I had discipline issues with boys and I did throw more content at students them they were used to. I remember I had to meet with a parent (with principal) who told me I was in a power struggle with her son. She had that right, but of course I felt he was a brat and his mom a contributing factor. Maybe a 3 party meeting (you, teacher, principal) is it order. My older wiser self is aware you can only intiduce so much change at once. I know you have the skills to make sure the teacher knows you support her and only want things to go better for everyone.

    • Grainne says :

      I had hoped you would relate with this one Kitty. 🙂 I have spoken with Colt’s new teacher several times, twice after this post but before I read your comments. Lol. I am in open support of her doing her job as well as she can, like you said, and the fact that she reached out to me for suggestions was awesome. We agreed to stay in contact via email if she cannot reach me by phone (we have bad timing between free schedules) and I’m working hard on our end to support her work in class. I think a parents role in education is to support the teachers who teach their kids. It doesn’t make sense the other way. I agree with you on the parent who said you were in a power struggle with her son. You were the teacher! That her son was disrespecting you was the first issue, not the reason to argue back. (It’s no surprise once you see where they learned it).

      Friday was better. She called and reported that Colt had a good morning and was trying hard. We made a big deal of it and I’m still trying to come up with a way to help him sustain… But then that’s life these days. Xx. (Wow long comment! Heehee xox)

  2. Mental Mama says :

    I’ve got nothing other than to say that I hope you find something to help soon. *hugs*

  3. Pete says :

    Hey sweet twin,

    Maybe everyone is underestimating Colt and he needs to feel important by having some ‘responsibilities’ at school?

    That way he’ll feel like he is contributing to things in a positive and vital manner. He’s a lovely kid that just needs his compass set so he can go about his travels so to speak. And you are an excellent Mum Grainne 🙂

    Love you,

    Pete xo

    • Grainne says :

      Aw love xx. I’ve missed you! It’s a great suggestion, we’ve been doing that in small ways since he started school. He has roles like line monitor and gives out hall passes and such. It’s in the number of tasks asked of him that the problem is stemming from.

      Knowing my own communication style, I likely make Colt sound more able than he really is. Anything asked of him is an exercise in patience. He’s a smart boy but his life skills are lacking. Xx

      Still. Food for thought. His teacher came up with a feelings chart to help him better express. Xx. Talk soon!!

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