Oh another Wednesday…

So today is my meeting with the managers of the new department who is considering hiring me.  (they’ve already agreed to do so, actually, barring some bizarre unforeseen circumstances).  I’m dressed nicely and feel good…sure it will go well. 

Hilariously, as things tend to go in my life, I had a nice talk with my current boss yesterday.  She told me she was so happy with my work here and the way I manage all these different personalities that she’s put in a request to the union to extend my contract for an additional six months, allowing us a bit more time to figure out how to get me in on a full-time basis.  *Whyyyyyyyyy?!*  Now the criteria changes again…If I can have this position for a year (counting this last month) is it more worth it?  Will anything be different when that year concludes?  Not really.  The union is the union and all those folks who have seniority over me now will only have an additional six months worth then.  The position will remain temporary.  I’ll get some benefit out of the union drug plan (its way better than non-union) if I stay but….Gawd…could they make this any more difficult to figure out??  I’m so happy here…I’d love to stay the year.  I’m sure *something* will come up in a year for me to move to should I need to find something…but then, why stay with plans to leave?  If I’m going to leave, I might as well do it now, right?  *cries*  Too many choices!  (I know it’s not a bad thing by any means…but still…difficult). 

My plan is to meet the new managers, chat with them and get a feel for the job and then ask for a few days to make a final decision.  I’ll see if the union extends my contract hopefully next week…the other point to consider is that I can always still apply for the job when it posts.  Not being in the union is just about the same as being temp soooo…  Who knows what might happen. 
Colt turned his day around yesterday and managed to get back to class.  I gave him a day off at the sitters today to give him a rest.  I hope it helps.  One thing that tore at my heart yesterday when we were on the phone in the midst of his frustration was when he said:
“Mom!  I just don’t care anymore!  I’m a spoiled brat and a bully and I hate this place and I’m just SICK OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!”  as I tried to convince him to behave. 
I didn’t let myself think on it.  I’ve never heard him say anything like that before and chalked it up to either peer influence, something he’s seen on a tv show or movie on YouTube or, maybe even hormones.  He’s turning ten this summer and D was a very early bloomer.  He had a full mustache and goatee by the time he was 12.  (For crying out loud… haha, that one’s gonna be fun).  On the way home, though, I let the thought past my barriers and it hit home.  Did he really hate his life?  Was he miserable?  Have we fought so hard and tried so much to give him a happy life filled with love and failed?!  It broke my heart and my resolve and I was in tears in the middle of rush hour traffic.  When I got to the sitters I was ready for anything.  I had already made plans in my head to see about counseling for him through the regional psych institute where his psychiatrist is (which I’ll follow through with.  Certainly not a bad idea, especially at his current age and stage of understanding).  I was ready to help him, as always, but I was so, so sad. 
Much to my surprise, however, the child literally bounced up to me when I arrived to pick him up. 

“Hi MOM!  Guess what?  I turned my day around and I went back to class, did lots of work without a single swear word or threatening to swear even!  I earned extra free time and Ms. King said I had made her whole day happy by bringing “happy Colt” back!” 

I nearly burst into tears of relief. 
“Good job my love!”  I cheered and he threw his arms around me in tight celebratory hug. 
Once we got to the car I turned in my seat and looked right into his eyes. 
“Sweetheart, when you said that you were tired of your life….”  he cut me off.
“Oh mom, I love my life!  I love being me and we are a family and we always love each other no matter what.” 
He was so sincere.  The way he immediately corrected me and the things he said were full of genuine cues and expressions…it was likely just a line in a movie he’d picked up and tried to use in his moments of frustration.  (He does that a lot).  I told him I was SO relieved because I wanted his life to always be happy.  He told me I was the best mom and the three of us were the best family ever.  My heart sang in my chest….  So thankful for that one. 
Alright then.  Time to move onto my day.  I’ll drop a quick note after my meeting to update and then likely again tomorrow as I agonize over the decision before me.  Again.  It feels like I have to keep making this one which is so annoying.  (Still.  I feel lucky to have a choice at all).
Have a great day my amazing blog friends. xox

About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

8 responses to “Oh another Wednesday…”

  1. KittyHere says :

    So glad Colt got back to being a well behaved happy boy.

    • Grainne says :

      Me too! He scared the poop out of me this time. I couldn’t wrap my head around him being so unhappy…the relief was almost exhausting it was so great. Made me feel very lucky, as usual. xx

  2. Mental Mama says :

    I hope your meeting goes well today! Asking for a few days to think it over – discuss with your family, etc. – isn’t unreasonable at all. I’m glad Colt was doing better by the end of the day, I can’t imagine how rough that had to be for you.

    • Grainne says :

      Thanks Mama. I hope it’s a good meeting too… I’m much more in control today after seeing that Colt was okay in the end. Ready for a new adventure. Sorta. haha. xx

  3. ~meredith says :

    ah Grainne… we can only influence this moment, you know. That little guy of yours is certainly on time with inspiration, isn’t he?

    wishing you well, and wanted to say, ‘hi.’

    • Grainne says :

      Thanks Meredith. :). That boy can make my day better with a single smile. That he managed to finish out the day in good spirits was incredible. So lucky to have these moments. Hugs. Xx

  4. rootstoblossom says :

    Thanks for sharing such a beautiful moment. Times like that, nothing else matters.

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