Woah…I am tired and pretty happy and tired and sore but…pretty happy. :)

Hey All.  Wow this has been a week!  It’s only Wednesday, to my amazement.  I can’t believe how much longer days feel when you have no freaking clue what you’re doing.

So the new job (temp for six months) is going very well.  It’s a staffing role so I work directly on a unit in the actual hospital, not an offsite office like I used to occupy.  As predicted, the constant action, interruptions, visits and needs to run to the nurses stations help to keep me more awake but I’m finding the increased movement is just murder on my spine.  I’m assuming that once I get more used to it, more used to moving so much that is, the pain will reduce.  I’m hoping that’s the case anyway.  I’m not taking a lot of narcotics at this point and I’m doing it on purpose, hoping to equalize and keep my brain cells firing at the same time.  It’s a very memory intensive job…people pretty much yell out stuff as I walk down the hall and I try to keep track between getting done what I need done and returning to the little cubby I share with another staffing clerk along with the newest things yelled at me on the way back.

The unit itself is one of the biggest in the hospital so there are two separate nursing stations to visit, North and South.  Each has a full compliment of nurses and clerks along with all the fellows, residents and docs who round at different times daily.  Busy busy place.  The memory comes into play while trying to ensure proper coverage while following the BOOK of union rules.  It’s insane.  A full-time on A line can work 2 weekends in a row but must have five days off in a row if you have her work the fourth weekend…stuff like that.  There are sheets and sheets of schedules to do for a single week plus all the assignments and patient rotations…. *HEAD SPLITTING YAWN HERE*.

The staff are still pretty snotty and guarded with me but they’re usually like that until you get to know them some.  I’ve had some attitude already from a few of them but more than that smile and wish me luck when they see me fly by.  I quite like the atmosphere and attitude of most of them.  The coordinator, manager and current staffing clerk are hugely accommodating to their staff which means tons more work for me finding coverage, but results in a happier staff in the end.  It’s a real people job…prefect for me.

Funnily enough, the last clerk went on leave three years ago because she had terrible arthritis and her meds were making her mess up the schedules, resulting in thousands of accidental OT hours being paid out.  The union isn’t fond of seeing that, nor is payroll.  It was suggested she take a leave and just never came back.  Good to know I can stretch out long-term for a few years if I have to…lol.  In the meanwhile I’m valiantly pretending that I’m perfectly fine and feel no pain.  Quite the opposite is true.

I’ve been loving the earlier hours a lot but it just results in me being asleep by 430 rather than 530.   I’m drinking those (horrible) energy shots with taurine and caffeine in them to get through the 2 o’clock crash (which used to hit me at 3 when I started later – hence, took my meds later in the morning).   D suggested I take them when I get to work but I can’t show up all slumped over in agony.  I’m not permanent.  I don’t want to give anyone the idea I can’t handle this job.  I’ve blown off the things my trainer has noticed and flat-out lied about my ability to cope (in a casual conversation, not in a way that will come back to haunt me later).  I have no choice, it feels like.  We are about to start suffering big time…in the bank account department as it is.  The huge pay drop is justifiable but still going to hurt us very badly.  I hope we can still afford rent when we see what my take home is.  No one would tell me so I have to wait until I get paid the first time to see what my rate will be.  I don’t know what I’ll do from there.  I’m taking it day by day.

Right now I have a lot of pissed off friends whom I used to email pretty much daily.  I can’t access a PC at work anymore, only have a 30 min break as opposed to 60…I’m not alone for a second of my entire day.  I can’t even get a quick blog post off in the mornings anymore.  I think once I’m on my own I should be a little more free to hide somewhere and play on my phone…right now it’s important to make friends with some of these folks so I’m not just walked straight out the door when my six months are up.  On that note, if anyone with more seniority than me applies for the full-time posting, I’m shit out of luck.  The union is also preventing me from applying for other permanent jobs at this time…I’m pulling strings at HR because they fucked me over so badly…no one is returning my email which means they don’t want to tell me how screwed I might just be.  I don’t know…it’s stressful but I’m trying to just figure this one out and then I’ll figure out there rest.

So.  I’m a bit stressed.  The job is not hard but it’s intense and tricky.  If anyone gets called out of order or someone is offered a shift who has less seniority over someone else, the senior staff member can grieve the shift and I’m screwed.  I’m photocopying the entire freaking contract and bringing it home to memorize on the weekend….if I can manage to stay awake for more than the time it takes to do laundry and generally tidy up.

D is now dropping Colt off at the sitter in the morning so I’m coming home to all the lights on, food sitting out on the counter, garbage sitting next to the food, dirty laundry everywhere and that sort of fun.  I spent ten minutes cleaning up tonight and then just about went to sleep, but thought I’d shoot off a blog post first.  I’m going to try to at least be awake when D gets home today as we’re completely missing each other with my sleepy schedule.  He’s not even heard how the new job is yet.  I was really bitchy on Monday night…not so bad last night…a little better tonight.  The pain is driving me crazy though…i don’t know what to do with it all.  😦  I just keep hoping it will lessen or let go or … go away.  This is just so much stress and it’s not even a permanent job.

In conclusion, after three days of this, I need a break, I’m tired, I’m in a ton of pain but….I seem to be succeeding somehow.  The bulk of the new staff are kind enough and my direct superior is quite cool.  She’s easy-going and to the point but I’d not like to cross her.  Hopefully, I will make a good impression and who knows what the future might hold.  I’ve heard of a couple full-time jobs coming up in some out-patient clinics in the next months so I’ll definitely be applying for those, even if I legally can’t due to union rules.  It’s that or  end up right back where I started only in a crappier position with even worse pay.

Happiness though.  It’s worth a lot.  Once I manage to settle in, this might be a pretty good place for me to stay a while.  I hope.

xox  Hope everyone is well.  Please forgive me for not being around at all…I’m really behind on everything social.

Next steps:  Feed child.  Say Hi to D.  Sleep.


About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

4 responses to “Woah…I am tired and pretty happy and tired and sore but…pretty happy. :)”

  1. KittyHere says :

    I fully expected the new job would mean really working and not writing blog posts. At the same time I was curious to hear how you were coping. Sorry about the pain but I believe the new challenge and social aspects of the job are a big improvement. Jus keep on doing your best.

  2. rootstoblossom says :

    I love your next steps. I always talk to myself with my over simplified next steps when in survival mode, keep it simple so I don’t panic or give up. My wish for you is restful sleep so your pain will be less and your brain will remember at least some of the new things you must learn on a new job. I love your attitude about this, just keep going, don’t overthink, things will turn out somehow so for now just get through the chaos.

  3. Mental Mama says :

    Good to hear things are going well. I feel bad for you that people who are “friends” would be mad at you for not keeping on constant contact at the start of a new job that you knew would be stressful. I’m just happy that you found a few minutes to update us so we didn’t worry. *HUGS*

  4. ambivalencegirl says :

    It seems as if you are doing well! Some changes do feel good, hope you continue to work and sleep. ❤️💤and feel happiness in your soul

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