The Tide Pulls Back

Well well well….more good news comes my way.  This week it is gorgeous outside and feels like spring for real this time!  All the snow is gone and we’re looking at sunny skies and t-shirt weather all week…no a drop of rain in sight.  The best part about this, aside from the glorious sun, is that the pain is pulling way back in this dry, warm weather.  Each morning I wake up with a killer headache but once the meds get in it slowly slips back into the background.  My spine is still physically very sore, however, you really don’t actually touch your spine much in daily goings on…so, it’s not half as terrible as it was last week.

I have a lot of pain in my chest (ribs) and my lymph node area under my arms and beside my breasts but it’s a common one for me and I have a way of holding my arms to my body to prevent much pressure or movement in that area.  I’ve had the nodes all tested and there’s nothing wrong with them…just nerve related pain somehow.  (and I self check for breast cancer diligently.  Always, so no worries there.  Reminds me that I need to book a mamo soon…).

I popped onto the job board this morning and that position HR alluded to was posted.  It’s a team assistant role for a very quiet department in this same building I’m currently in.  It supports four rather bitchy women who have a hard time keeping an assistant but that never scares me off.  Some of the hardest to work for reputed docs in this place ended up loving me more than the easy going ones…  I try not to judge before I know.  It’s a permanent position, more money and has all the same benefits as I currently have.  Hard choice….I’m not sure if I want to apply.  The hours will be awkward, there will be more meetings and silent days in my office.  Conversely, the other job is union (which is huge), is in the centre of a busy unit and will allow me to work stress free in an environment I love and will thrive in.  I actually think I’m more suited for the role I took, than the one I’m considering.  The only thing holding me back isn’t the money, surprisingly, it’s the fact that my current role will be temporary where this is permanent.  It will be up for a week so I’m not going to panic.  Will think on applying but I’m now weighing my happiness and future in the mix so I have no idea how I’ll decide.  It made me laugh though.  HR didn’t even mention this even though I asked about it on Monday AND Tuesday.  Fuck them and their “layoff preference”.  Such a crock of shit.  I’m not done with this little beef I have…just laying low for now because rocking this particular boat I’m in will not come to any good at all.

D and Colt asked me for some help last night at the swimming pool.  They are planning on going to the family swim tonight or tomorrow night and they need help…D cannot convince Colt to put his entire head under water so, he can’t pass his swimming lessons level…can’t dive into the water.  He’s doing really good everywhere else but he just doesn’t trust that he will now drown if he goes under.  They seem to think I can help convince him….lol.  SO.  I can’t deny my child assistance, especially when he looks at me with those ice blue eyes, imploring with compliments and sweetness.  I’m just not sure I can get into that water…the OCD flares like crazy around public pools and work out places, as I’ve posted in the past.  The thought of touching the floor of the pool deck with bare feet makes me want to scream and run…the *thought*.  Reality?  I’m not sure what will happen.

I can’t stop thinking about the germs.  I mean, I know there are chemicals in the water to keep it under control but I only have to watch one kid dive in then clear his nose of water, along with mucus and other such revolting things, directly back into the pool.  I don’t know how to convince myself to want to swim in public dirty bath water.  I’m so glad I wasn’t around for the roman ages and public bathing.  lol.  *sigh*  Will try not to think about mucus, pee, body dirt, hair grease, saliva and all that grossness.  I’m going to have to screw up a whole bunch of … detachment, to accomplish this one.

Will likely write again later.  My days have become wonderfully free and stressless.  I am enjoying every single moment.  🙂

If anyone has any ideas on how to cope with my germ issues at the public pool, I’d love some advice.  I’ll try pretty much anything to help my boy…

xox G

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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

4 responses to “The Tide Pulls Back”

  1. KittyHere says :

    Snow cover here is patchy with some remaining thick spots but we were above freezing this morning.

    HR may feel that you are out of the market now. After all finding another person to accepts 6 month placement might be tough on them.

    • Grainne says :

      Ehh, I’m sick of making excuses for them. The HR woman looked me dead in the eye and said ‘no matter what happens’ she’d let me know about this particular job before it posted, which was the ‘help’ they offer to folks on layoff. She didn’t even answer my questions about it…like all the other questions that went unanswered. In early Feb I asked for pension/benefit information and how things would work out under different scenarios, like having to take a part time job just to stay with the org after my notice was up (if nothing came my way). They still haven’t answered those questions and I’ve resubmitted them three times. I’m pretty sure it’s just all up to me. They would have danced me right out the door, had they the option, I think.

      Ah well. Getting interviewed before the job posts could have made a difference but…as I wrote, I’m not entirely sure I want to pursue this other opportunity. I will be still stuck here, in this quiet, uneventful building and this particular job comes up often, telling me it’s not a great spot.

      Not to worry though. I feel nice and safe with something in my future. I’ll decide what to do as I go, I think. 🙂 xoox

  2. Mental Mama says :

    Maybe switch your focus from the germs to the nice warm shower you’ll take after you get out and how wonderful it will be to help Colt pass this level?

    • Grainne says :

      Ooh…now that’s an idea. I don’t mind the change rooms and showers so much because I bring my own shampoo and soap. Thanks Mama…I’ll start my coping list with this one.

      (Just the fact that Colt needs me will likely push me over the edge anyway. How can I deny him?) 🙂

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