A Silly Dream with a Super Clear Meaning

Haha so last night I went to bed early and decided I’d get a good sleep in.  I have an interview today that’s going to be tricky and I didn’t want to be falling asleep through it.  There is a position available in the (crappy ass) department I work for now.  One of my coworkers is going off on maternity leave for a year and they need coverage.  Now.  I know the job almost like the back of my hand so there would be almost no learning curve, however, it reports to the same asshole boss (the director, not the doc) I work for who laid me off after lying to my face about protecting my position.

I know it’s NOT a good place for me, however, if I were to get the job (which I kinda doubt, the director isn’t so fond of me) I would have a year to find something else.  That said, if something came up say, in three months….bam!  I’d be out the door feeling absolutely no way about screwing them over just like they did to me.  Mind you, that’s a bad attitude to work around and in, but the lure of having a whole year rather than 8 weeks left takes a mountain of stress from my mind.  I also met with HR around it yesterday and caught them in their lies.  I finally have them looking for things for me, now that I’ve said aloud that I feel unsupported, alone, and about to get shafted out of the place I gave ten good, hard working years.

This back story likely inspired the following dream:  

Still wandering, D and I had found a place to live.  It was a rental and was not smack in the middle of the crappy area of town but it wasn’t far out. I  was immediately concerned upon discovering the address.

“Aren’t these places constantly broken into?”  I asked D, worried, as we were about to move our stuff in.

“Grainne.  We have to live somewhere and there doesn’t seem to be anything else available!”

I grimaced and carried on loading our stuff inside.  When everything had been sorted and put away I sat down on the couch in the living room and decided to read a book.  I was deep into the story when, quite suddenly, a door opened right beside me and a construction worker walked into my living room with snow and mud all over his boots.

“Hi there!” he smiled and tipped his hard hat at me, then proceeded to walk straight through my living room and out the front door.

It happened several time and then I stopped one to ask what they were doing.

“Ah it’s just easier to cut through your unit to get to the parking lot where we have to park.”

I looked at him and out the back window, noting we were the end unit.  They only had to take a few extra steps to walk around, rather than through.

“It’s the way it’s always been.  Sorry!” he sang out on his way out the front door.  I made note to talk to the landlord about that one.

I got up and decided to go have a nice hot shower to calm my nerves.  I went into the bathroom and used the toilet before starting up the water in the shower.  As I sat down (sorry…lol…just try not to picture it) I looked to my left and realized there was a wall to ceiling window with no shade on it beside me.  Right beside me.  I jumped off the toilet and left the room, embarrassed that so many people outside might have seen me.  I went looking for some sort of curtain to hang.  That is when D came home.

“This place is dreadful!”  I started.  “Construction workers are using it as a shortcut, there is a huge window next to the can and I can’t even shower without half the world staring at me!”  He laughed at my frantic complaints, but kindly.

“We will fix these things Grainne.  It doesn’t have to be perfect you know.”

I left to hang the curtains so I could have a shower.

Colt room had an ensuite so I started to think of a plan.  I wanted him in the back bedroom, which seemed safest to me, but I wanted to pee without the world seeing me go.  I started swapping rooms and then Colt walked in.

“Mom!  What are you doing to my stuff?!”  It turned into an argument and then, that evening when he was about to sleep he told me he couldn’t sleep in the front room.  It was too scary for him.  I sighed and switched it all back, dragging heavy furniture back and forth across the hall.

Then the weirdness began.  I went back to the kitchen and could hear a lot of noise in the living room.  I assumed the contractors were now using it as a break room so ignored it for a bit.  There was a door to the outside in the kitchen and I locked it, wondering why it was open.  I unlocked it and opened it to look into the common hallway and was met with a line of people who were walking away with all of my stuff!  My tv…the chair I practically live in, my blanket, my cats even!

“HEY!  What the fuck is going on here!?”  I yelled.  No one stopped, no one looked.

I ran to the living room and found it empty. Completely empty.  Everything was gone…even the book I was reading. While I marveled at the speed of which they evacuated I realized they were all now in the kitchen…I had left the door open.

In the end we lost everything, even Colt’s toys.  D came home and was shocked to see the empty space.

“They waited until we were done moving in then just came in and robbed us!  They took everything and I couldn’t stop them.”  I said, in tears.

“Well.  We knew it was a bad neighbourhood before we moved in.” he said entirely unflustered.

I woke up then with a feeling of dread and loss in my belly that didn’t shake off until I was halfway to work this morning.  There’s not much that requires interpretation in this one but it was hectic, emotional and felt awful, having made such a bad choice and having to live with the consequences.

I suppose it could be my brain considering the very crappy, entry-level job that is 10$ less an hour that I have an interview for tomorrow but I doubt it.  The really annoying thing about this job here in my department, the one I don’t think I’m going to get?  It’s at my salary range.  Another year of this might do us some real good.

Crap crap crap so much to think about.  I’ll just do the interview and see where it goes.  No harm in trying right?  (Also, the HR chick pointed it out to me that I had skipped this one in my applications.  I told her about the tension between the director and I and she kind of blew it off.

“It’s pretty much exactly your skill set” she said.  She’s right.  Might as well try.  I’ll write a post afterward to let you guys know how it went.  I’m going to take an hour to study up and make sure I have my answers in line.

My OCD is flaring up too…not sure what’s up with that.  I’ve had that controlled for a while.  I might need a med tweak.  More on that later too.

xx Talk soon.

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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

7 responses to “A Silly Dream with a Super Clear Meaning”

  1. KittyHere says :

    Interesting that HR is pushing you for this position. Think how strange that will be for your supervisor. He is getting pushed into a corner, or so it seems to me. I would take perverse delight in that. It may expose him negatively.

    • Grainne says :

      I’m not admitting my pleasure out loud, but I am looking forward to making him squirm a little. When the job posted not a soul said a word about it to me…lol. We shall see how it goes. 🙂

  2. Sian says :

    I accidentally skipped the part where you said it was a dream, and was really concerned that someone had stolen all your stuff, then I re read cause I realised the title of this post was about a dream, silly me haha. Glad the dream wasn’t real though. And I hope the interview goes well!x

  3. paindepression says :

    OCD does act up when we are under a lot of stress and you are under a great deal of stress. It is trying to find some control in your life, because you feel you have no control over anything right now. Be gentle to yourself sweety!

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