Calories, Germs and Weight loss

I was stuck awake until 1 am and I couldn’t get comfortable, couldn’t sleep.  I tried everything including meds…nothing worked.  I wasn’t particularly wound up, just…awake.  I got up from my couch and decided to try a warm shower (even though I was sweating…well, sort of because I was sweating so much).  I took my wet clothes off and was walking to the shower when D cat called me from his cough.

“Wow babe, you’re looking goooooooood…you look so great without clothes.  I wonder why it’s so different when you’re dressed?”

Now.  He didn’t’ mean that offensively, in fact, he was trying to compliment me and make me feel better about my most recent weight gain, but, my female, oversensitive mind went right to the worst place it could.

“So you think I look bad when I’m dressed?”  I squeaked at him, horrified.

“Oh jesus…no.  NO I don’t think you look bad.  I was just saying that you can’t even see the fat on you when you’re naked…it was supposed to make you feel better, not worse.”

Of course I forgave him and laughed at myself, letting it go, but still…kinda stung.

He had made a comment on the weekend of the same sort, asking if the pants I was wearing were uncomfortable and asking if I wanted to go get some bigger sizes.  (Again, he was trying to help in his own clumsy way).  That was the day I downloaded that dreadful app I bought years ago.

I used to carry a little journal around with me, after I had Colt and gained a ton of weight, to record calorie counts in.  When I go there, I go all the way…I don’t restrict calories to an unhealthy level but I do work off the bare minimums when I’m trying to control my weight.  I’m very used to being a slender little stick…this gain/lose ten pounds in a week bullshit is not something I’m used to or happy about.  Anyway, they have wonderous apps for that these days that make it all so much easier.

This app counts all my calories for me and if I’m absolutely honest (down to adding the sugar in my tea) it controls my intake well.  It tracks all the essential nutrients needed and the bad stuff too like saturated fats and sodium…shows you exactly how much you ate, how much you need to go to have a balanced day and what you should stay away from.  I have a love for Mini Shredded Wheats (percocet constipates you like crazy — fiber is very much required) but they have trans fats in them.  My app will tell me about the fats, give me a finger wag and tell me that if I’m going to eat it at all, I should have it for breakfast, not a midnight snack.  It’s pretty cool.

It also monitors your progress and gives you estimated timeframes to your target weight (safely).  It’s amazing to see when carefully watched…I had no idea I could fluctuate so much in a week.  On Monday I weighted in at 153 pounds.  (Holy fuck I know….160 was nine months preggo.  If I get there not pregnant I’m going to have some serious self-image clashes).  Tuesday I was down to 151 and today, this morning, I weighed in at 149.6.  So in three days I dropped about four pounds?  Wow…that doesn’t sound logical to me, but the scale is a good one, well-balanced, and I make sure to weight myself the same way each day with an empty bladder and shoes off, etc.  Maybe that happens to everyone…I’m not really sure.  I’m pretty happy about it though, as long as we continue on a downward trend.  My goal weight is 125 but I’ll settle for 130 if I have to.  That’s 20 pounds to go.

If I could exercise like I used to I’d be so fine.  When D and I first got together 13 years ago, we would meet up after work at the park, throw on our inline skates and we’d give it like crazy for a few hours.  We crossed the entire city one afternoon, as fast as we could go.  It felt awesome and kept me in perfect shape.  Thinking of doing that now?  Lmaoooo that would be something to see.  I’d likely make it three feet, fall on my ass and give up, go to sleep where I fell.  lol.  I do have a membership to the YMCA that I have not used once in the year we’ve had it.  There is a gym at my disposal, a pool…I could be doing so much more than I am.  I’ll tell you why I don’t go though.  Germs.

You guys haven’t really seen much of my OCD side because it’s not one of the things that gets in the way of life.  I have a few weird tendencies but most of it revolves around a fear of … gross, dirty, sweaty things covered in other people’s body fluids (and I don’t care if they wiped it down with a towel first…the bacteria is still there!)  I’ve completely avoided public pools for years and years…I managed to go when Colt was tiny so he could play in the water but now?  Eeeeckkkkk no.  NO no no.  A public pool, to me, is like having a freaking bath with a bunch of strangers.  I watch their dirty hair go under the water, the toddler wearing a real diaper, not a swimmer…and then his brother, peeing off the kiddie slide into the shallow end.  The last time I went I watched a very unclean family gather by the showers when I heard the mom say:

“Okay guys, no need for showers, you’ll get clean in the pool!”  and I physically retched.

Omfg.  YES there is a need for a shower!  Get that nasty greasy hair clean before you dunk it in my pool water please??? Gaaaaaah.

So, in conclusion, No.

Work out equipment is even worse somehow.  ‘Oh here you go, let me wipe my rivers of disgusting sweat off the place your about to put your face next to.  Not to worry, this shitty white towel will disinfect it just fine.”

Aaaaand NO.  No, I’m not fucking touching it.

Ohh!  That goes double for shopping carts.  I actually carry chlorhexidine spray from work with me to the grocery store so I can disinfect the handle of my shopping cart.  How many times have you watched someone sneeze into their hand then immediately grab their cart again?

Okay.  I need to go clean my hands.  At least I can go for walks when the spring finally arrives…if ever.  Ha.  We shall see.


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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

2 responses to “Calories, Germs and Weight loss”

  1. maximusaurus says :

    As someone with OCD and autism, this really spoke to me. I don’t like pools or gyms either, and I worry a lot about my weight. And I too weigh myself on an empty bladder with no shoes!

    • Grainne says :

      Holy smokes I’m glad to meet you! I don’t know if you’ve read that I have an autistic son? He is sooo much like me with the germs plus he had to deal with all the other overstimulating things around him too. It must be hard to find a system that works. I’m happy you came by and look forward to learning more about you. 🙂 Thanks for the comment!

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