My amazing Colt

It’s about 10 below zero this morning and although the night sweats were atrocious, I woke in considerably less pain.

Yesterday was a bad one…my ribs hurt so much I honestly stopped for a sec to consider a heart attack but dismissed it several times.  Had I been at a campus with an emerg…I might have gone down.  For some reason, I live in fear of abusing the health care system.  Well, it’s not really an unknown reason…I saw so many specialists who laughed at me in one way or another that I tend not to want to complain until I’m darn sure I’m needing medical care.  Anyway, the chest pain.  By noon I was passing out, literally.  I was having mini dreams of people’s faces and was watching their lips move and would then jerk awake, trying not to fall asleep.  I managed it by getting up and walking around which made the pain worse, which made me more exhausted.  I’m pretty sure that my body is trying to escape the pain by putting me under.

So I managed to drive home although I don’t remember all of it, and picked Colt up.  He was cheery and sunny, babbling away about his day.  He knew instantly that I wasn’t well and switched into carer mode…I don’t like to see him do this because it makes me feel like he’s the parent but .. his little heart is so big.  He just wants to make me feel better.  He rubbed my arm from the back seat, straining at his seat belt to reach.  He quietly whispered sweet words to me: It’s okay mommy, I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well but I will take good care of you.  I’ll go to the fridge and get you a Pepsi while you get comfortable.  I’ll turn on your blanket and tuck you in.  He makes me cry, he’s so sweet.  We got home and he leapt out of the car to open my door for me, offered to carry my bag and open the door for me, and then, once inside, asked if I needed help getting my shoes off.  He ran to the living room and turned on my blanket, got my couch all comfy for me and called me in.

“You sit down here and I’ll find you a snack” he said.

I did as I was told and moments later he was back with a bottle of water and a glass of OJ (we were out of Pepsi) and he set them on the table for me.  He climbed up beside me and felt my head for a fever and fussed over me for a few moments then kissed my forehead and told me to rest.  He said he’d play quietly right beside me in case I needed something.  *Heart melts*

I fell asleep but woke when D came home, said “hey” and he came to see me.  He took one look and knew as well.

“You’re not getting up are you?” He asked, not at all unkindly.

I shook my head and tried to get up but he pushed me gently back.  That’s all I remember until about 1am when I woke up thinking it was time to get up.  Soaked in sweat.

I took about five towels to bed with me (or D brought them through the night) and was literally wrapped like a mummy.  It helped a little but once the towels were soaked it all just kinda felt the same.  I’m tucking the top of the blanket so tight under my chin that I’m creating a humid chamber underneath.  Wet towels are about the same as wet sheets in the end.  I’m making a hell of a lot of laundry.  But still…I’m well loved by my boys and it helps more than I realized.

I think I’ll go make an appointment with my GP to discuss my newest lack of lustre.

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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

7 responses to “My amazing Colt”

  1. paindepression says :

    Colt is amazing! So very sweet and caring… Your very loved!

  2. Mental Mama says :

    Sounds like you’re raising those boys right. 😉

  3. KittyHere says :

    It is fine that Colt has developed the ability to read people’s needs and to be caring. It is not like you put him into the position of care giving often or because you are wrapped minded. Perfection and too much coddling does not make children turn into well balance human beings.

    • Grainne says :

      Good point Kitty. Thanks…it’s true isn’t it? His entire life so far has been trying to find a proper balance between protecting him from the world and preparing him for it. Kids have to fall before they learn..hmmm…as do adults. I’m thinking this process never quite stops.

  4. Pete says :

    Wow what a beautiful caring son, wow he is reading the situation so well and he loves you so much! The only thing I would make sure is that he knows somewhat about your condition and doesn’t get scared he might lose his mum.
    And yes I would say go to the Dr if the sweating is getting that bad, and remember that I’m always here Grainne

    Pete xo

    • Grainne says :

      Thanks Pete. Colt doesn’t quite understand the concept of death yet…he has a loose grasp but I haven’t seen it click in yet. He just knows that mom needs to rest her back sometimes. I try to be honest about the fact that i’m in pain, but for him I try to express it as tolerable and fixed in the short term by a good sleep. He will understand full well soon enough, I suppose.

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