Post Interview

Well, I’m not sure how that went.  It was a panel interview of four, three of the docs who work in the department and the HR consultant involved in the position recruitment.  Three of the four loved me…I could read them loud and clear.  Lots of smiles and nods, when I didn’t answer the questions exactly as they wanted they would rephrase and ask again.  Most of their questions were quite carefully aimed…I think they had some trouble with the last person in the position and they wanted to eliminate the chance of getting someone else like her…?  They asked if I work with my door open or closed.  I mean, they must have had some trouble there.  I said open, of course, which is true.

The one who disliked me on sight (and he did, I hadn’t even opened my mouth) was not thrilled that i didn’t have the exact experience required for the job.  I repeated over and over that I had no trouble resourcing information and finding processes that worked in the past.  I don’t need much hand holding at work.  I’m not entirely sure how someone could have the expertise that one department is looking for when they’ve never worked in the department, however, I did my best to answer their questions honestly.  I didn’t want to over-promise anything because that would be a sure-fire way to fail.

So, three out of four isn’t bad, but…not sure if it will win me the job.  Fingers crossed (I don’t feel very good about it so I don’t expect a call).  😦

I’m having terrible dreams (surprise surprise) and my anxiety is climbing day by day.  I picked up my prescription yesterday…just one of them was well over $300.  If I lose my employment entirely I’m fucked.  No pain control will leave me unable to get out of bed.  This is really stressful and I don’t know what to do.  Should I be applying for the jobs that are WAY below my salary?  What would be the point of that?  We’d not even be able to afford our rent….and that brings about more anxiety.  I do not want to pull Colt from his school where he is surrounded by (mostly) amazing kids who make him feel like he’s part of something.  They are kind and attentive…they’ve known each other since they were five.  😦  To move elsewhere and leave this school zone would be heartbreaking and terrible for Colt’s stability.  His psychiatrist told us that we should try to keep him there until highschool, at the very least.  He’s only in grade four.  We cant’ afford to buy a place (anywhere) in the town we live in … hell, we can’t even afford to rent in town NOW… if I take $10 less an hour we’ll be screwed every way I can think of.

Little panic there.  I thought things would go better yesterday.  (God I’m nearly in tears and it’s only 9:19am.  My nameplate was removed yesterday and they’ve taken me off all the org charts and committee lists.  This is so embarrassing.   Most of the hospital doesn’t know I have no job to go to so I’m trying to tell as many people as I can. I don’t know what else to do.  This is really shitty.

There are no jobs I could apply for listed today.  Zero.  Well, one that’s so far below my salary range I could likely make the same working part time.  😦  What am I going to do?  *cries*  This is scary.  My whole life was build around having this security.  I hate feeling so … adrift.

Ah well.  On to my boring, humiliating clerical tasks for the day.  Maybe I’ll take tomorrow off.  The director doesn’t care what I do and now no one needs me here.  (I really want to go home).


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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

11 responses to “Post Interview”

  1. KittyHere says :

    Breathe. Keep that chin up. Do not write yourself off. The one person on the panel you did not win over may not like anyone else either.

    • Grainne says :

      Thats what I keep thinking Kitty. He didn’t seem to get along with the other physicians either…they kept giving him quick looks after I answered most of the questions. There’s always one jerk in the crowd…I can handle the likes of him, I’ve dealt with much worse in these last five years. I just hope I can get out of this negative place and leave this department behind. I’m grateful for the four months notice but it’s gonna be a hell of a long four months. xx

      • KittyHere says :

        Yep, four months pay but you pay by being in limbo. You owe no one explanations during that time. Those who care have spoken, cling to them when you can. When and if you get to the last month then you can scramble to apply for the crud jobs or consider other options (legal help for disability ??). But you are no where close to that last month yet. It will be spring by then…flowers in bloom.

      • Grainne says :

        Oh heavens I can’t wait for spring. Everything feels like a fresh start at that time of year. I’ve calmed down some from yesterday…thinking more rationally. I’m in the process of pulling every string I know of…writing all of the senior leadership and others I’ve worked with over the years. Job ideas are coming my way…just need to sit tight and wait for the right one. I’m applying for everything I see within 5$/h of my current salary but I don’t have to take anything I don’t want.

        xox Thanks my friend. *hugs*

  2. paindepression says :

    Hang in there! I know you are very worried and stressed. Remember that you are very loved. I am here for you anytime!

  3. rootstoblossom says :

    Stop pre-worrying and take it moment by moment. I see that all or nothing thinking catching up to you. It will work out, and solutions will present themselves. Just don’t give up.

    • Grainne says :

      Thank you. It is that all or nothing mentality creeping up on me… I’m working on letting that go right now. I have so much support here…people are astounded that they’ve put me on notice. There’s a little security in that for me to cling to. I don’t often have such an outpouring. (hugs you tight)

  4. Ellen says :

    It actually sounds like the interview went quite well though, and you have a good chance of being offered this job. I know it’s natural, and I would also be worried, by why not give yourself a break and be optimistic about your chances here? You seem a lot better at interviews and reading people than I am….Maybe too good for your own peace of mind? Fingers crossed for you.

    • Grainne says :

      I am good at reading people and when I get a bad vibe I pretty much throw myself into trying to win them over. It’s a bad habit as it comes across the wrong way…i just went through this with my last boss. He would flip over something that had nothing to do with me and I’d try to help make it better by offering extra assistance etc. I think it just looked like ass kissing in the end, which was never my intention or style.

      Thanks for the vote of confidence. I know I didn’t do badly…if they want me, they’ll offer. If not, I can just move on to the next one. xo

  5. Mental Mama says :

    I hope you get a call soon and that they want to hire you immediately. 🙂

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