I’m nervous about going to the docs today.  I’m going to ask her to up the pain meds a bit and I always feel like a bit of a failure when I do that, like I couldn’t hack it and have to beg for help.  However, I’ll get over it the second the pain swoops back in so might as well go for it now.  I’ll write when I get back to let you guys know how it went.  I’ll be getting all my liver function tests back today as well to see if there’s been any improvement.

One quick story that made me smile this morning:

I always get up after D and get directly into the shower.  I slept on the couch because the night sweats have been so bad I don’t want to be in bed with D and get the sheets all soaked.  I woke up soaked to the bone, freezing and wrapped in a soaked sleeping bag.  It took a few moments of convincing myself before I got up and RAN to the bathroom, stripping soaked clothes along the way (harder than it sounds) and then I leap directly into a warm shower before I freeze to death.  I was just in when Colt got up this morning and came into have a pee (we share one bathroom!  Never a moment of solitude lol).  He was talking to me through the glass and sounded all excited so I opened the door a crack to hear him better.

“Hey mom!  I forgot to show you my book from yesterday!”  (planner where he writes his day out with the teachers help.  His fine motor is quite poor and his printing difficult for him).

He pulled it out from behind his back, while taking off his PJ’s and peeing he tried to show me the entry from the day before.  It was really neat and I read it easily and out loud.

“WOW Kiddo!  That’s a fantastic job right there!”  He burst into proud giggles and smiles.

“Oh and look!!”  He started flipping back to other days when he did a good job printing and got a sticker from his teacher.

For the remainder of my shower I stood there with my butt in the water, my head sticking out through the doors and read about two weeks worth of printing (I’d already seen) because the more I read, the happier the kid got.  By the time he went to have breakfast the water was cold and I hadn’t even started to wash yet.  lol

Still.  So worth it.  Colt was all smiles this morning, feeling confident and proud, he marched off to play at the sitters when I dropped him off (we go early enough so he had a good half hour to relax before going to the bus).  He walked by the sitter and gave her a hug, high-fived one of the kids and sauntered off with a saucy swag.

Amazing eh?  He gets off on hard work, success and high praise.  That’ll most certainly do.  🙂

Have a great morning my friends!  Will write again soon.  xo


About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

7 responses to “Morning!”

  1. Hope says :

    You are anything but a failure. You work so hard to manage your pain and all the other stuff that comes with it. You’re doing the best you can, and it’s okay to ask for more help. I hope the appointment goes well–I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

    • Grainne says :

      ❤ Thank you for these words my friend. You're always in my thoughts too. OH hey…I saw a commercial for an organization for Crones and UC…thought of you. They are mostly info based, I think, but sometimes they have therapy ideas that you won't find elsewhere. Of course, I'm sure you know of them….it's like someone telling me to check out Autism Speaks or something like that. lol.

      Much love. Thank you for supporting me.

  2. Ellen says :

    High five! 🙂

  3. S. says :

    What a wonderful little boy. You can tell him I said that too. 🙂
    You aren’t a failure. Far from it. I know it feels like giving up every sin gle time you nneeedddd to take meds, or need to up the meds, but you didn’t choose to deal with pain. You are doing a miraculous and inspiring job with the shittty hand you’ve been dealt. I am amazed that you are still able to see the positive aspects in your day. I say bravo, Grainne!
    Seriously, dude. Take yourself out of your life for a minute, picture me writing that I feel like a failure for needing to take pain meds. – for the record I totally do and this thinking strategy only works for me sometimes… But even a moment of third person self awareness can be valuable – Picture me writing the words ‘I am a failure because…’ and feeling all the shame and guilt behind them… See how you feel like telling me I am ridiculous? Maybe you even feel a bit sad for me, that I can’t see how great a job I am doing of dealing. Maybe you will be overwhelmed by compassion and tears will fill your eyes, as I was for you, because you know the feeling intimately but it hurts more to hear such a wonderful person echoe such distorted thoughts? Just maybe thinking about it like this will make you feel some compassion for you too. You deserve it, Grainne. You’re doing a wonderful job balancing your issues with raising and bettering your family. I admire your strength, tenacity and well, you.
    Tons of love,
    Xoxo S.

    • Grainne says :

      Oh goodness do you ever know how to call me out! 🙂 Thanks my sweet friend xoxo you know so well how I feel, I know. There are so many of us out there, trying to find answers just so we can live a somewhat ‘normal’ *in our own eyes* life.

      Oh and for the record, I’m (obviously) way better and giving compassion and empathy to others than I am to myself. (yeah, surprise! lol!)

      Will write you an email later on today and catch you up on all current life progress (hugs)


      • S. says :

        I just want to make sure you know I was in no way trying to be harsh. I meant that with love and compassion. Honestly, I just hope you dont feel like I was making light of your feelings or being overly judgmental or harsh.

      • Grainne says :

        Nope, don’t you worry about me 🙂 I love being called out on things I’m clinging to …I have several good, honest friends here that I rely on to set me straight when I’m spinning off into a panic. You’re now one of them…lol

        I take suggestions well and to heart…and I never once thought of you as harsh or cold…You’re a good friend and I appreciate it very much. xox

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