It went well! (was a great day until I got to work)

I did it.  Last night was the award dinner and I went.  I made up my mind, literally, that morning but once I decided to go I stuck with it.  I drove myself there (was worried about finding parking for some reason so tried to crap out and get D to drive me lol), found my way and didn’t regret it.

When I got there, I was the first from my department and, while waiting, I was approached by several of the VP’s who were there to present.  They know me from meetings and such and it was really nice that so many of them came to congratulate me.  They really took it very seriously, this event.

I saw all sort of leaders and colleagues and I did the walk around and network thing for a while.  My director, although not fond of me, was kind and didn’t ignore me, at least.  Our VP came too…it was a lovely gesture since he had just flown in from a business trip, drove right to the event to support us.  There were four of us in our department … big group, considering.  The VP actually gave me a hug, which was a bit weird.  He’s not the type at all yet, there it was.  I walked over to him to say thanks and goodnight at the end of the presentations and I reached out to shake his hand but he opened his arms to me.  I paused for a split second and then hugged him.  Why the hell not right?  Lol.  Everyone was staring at me, a bit weirded out.  I was worried for a while that I had misread the signal but I’m sure I didn’t.  I think he hugged me because the interview I did was really good.  🙂  (yay me!)

The video was good too.  They were really professional and I wasn’t embarrassed at my parts, thank god.  I didn’t sound like an idiot, I spoke slowly and clearly and my answers had impact.  I was happy with it.  Of course I didn’t love the way I looked but that didn’t really matter somehow.  It was my words that made the impact.  Kinda cool.  I didn’t even make the blooper reel!  lol…such a perfectionist.  (I was proud of that).  I totally had my “speaking accent” going.  I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that here…

When I’m public speaking I rarely get nervous.  I like people.  I like talking.  Works out well most times.  I do, though, have a weird accent that comes on when I’m trying to be professional (or when I’m really relaxed and enjoying myself).  It’s a hard one to pin down because I can’t tell when I’m doing it.  Some say it sounds like Boston…some say New York but it’s not that, I’m sure.  I think it’s a hybrid between the Scottish accent I must have picked up from my foster family, my natural accent and…I dont’ know what.  It’s funny though, I’ll sometimes say something and the whole room will turn.

“Oh what a unique accent!  Where are you from?”  They often ask.

Okay, well that was a short lived nice day.  My office neighbour has just steamrolled over a project of mine…disagreed with me publicly and cc’d the whole fucking team.  Awesome.  This one is usually nice to me too.  Can I possibly be this shitty at my job?  Seriously?  There is just not an ounce of respect around here.  😦  Was feeling good and got cut down again.

I’ll just focus on my new direction I suppose.  Had a little weep in the bathroom so I’ve got a headache blazing again.  It’s amazing to me how much these things affect me inside.  I don’t hate on myself but I do get slammed with doubt.  Maybe I can’t do this.  I’m not sure how I’ve managed to get away with it for a decade…I wonder if I’ve always done a crap job.  (How did I keep getting promoted?  Ha.  Chameleon.  I can look like I fit in anywhere.

There are still some people here who like me in the organization.  I’m going to try to surround myself with them.  Up down up down…Such is life eh?  I have a splitting headache…


About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

5 responses to “It went well! (was a great day until I got to work)”

  1. Pete says :

    Hey Sweetheart,
    Glad you went with my advise and went! Good on you (so proud of you sweet twin!!!!)
    When I was in banking and managing the Education Dept I had to give talks and take new recruits in and train them for 2 weeks. This is the funny thing here is that people popping in thought I had developed an ‘English accent!’ Ironic isn’t is? Maybe some joint dissociation played a part in that, but away from that I didn’t have much self confidence *laughs* Wow I’m so happy it went well for you, I hate seeing myself on screen too (was in Drama School) for a year but you do tend to get used to it 🙂
    Maybe your office mate is jealous of you? Haha I just think you’re freaking wonderful and would love to see that speech!!

    Love Pete xo

  2. Mental Mama says :

    I’m really proud of you for going and I’m delighted to hear you had a good time. YAY!!!

    There are some who will say that the only place in the US to locate telemarketing firms is in the area I live because we have the very least noticeable accent of anywhere.

    And, most importantly, here’s something I don’t think you’ve yet considered about your unpleasant co-workers. Perhaps it’s not that you are doing poorly at your job or are in any way incapable, perhaps you are so good that it makes them jealous or threatened and so they feel they must take lengths to make you look bad in the hope that it then makes them look better. (oh, duh, if I could read – yeah, what Pete said!)

  3. KittyHere says :

    You deserved to be treated the way you were at that event always, everywhere. The worst jerks behave when all their peers & superiors are watching. That hug instead of a handshake probably was because you made him look good & acknowledging it with more than a handshake in public earned him points with those watching the exchange occur. I play moments like that for all they are worth. If someone would shoot me down in private make sure to only ask for the big stuff in public to have at least some chance. Cheers

  4. ~meredith says :

    YEA, you! You know… my wife passes hugs (she’s a big nut in a company run by GOB’ s, and she got nailed with an ugly cc recently after hugging someone on the floor during morning walkabout. The guy who nailed her had really been infuriated by the hug, though he cited something else… hurt people hate genuine awesomeness, sometimes.

    Remember your awesomeness, the open arms… YEA, you!

  5. kyrie says :

    I’m so happy things went well for you! I can sort of relate to how you feel. Sometimes things are going really well and then one thing will come along and ruin things. Anyway, keep your head up. I think you’re a really lovely, kind person.

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