Lame

I am well aware of the fact that I would be taken out to pasture and shot, if I was a horse.  In the whole wild survival of the fittest deal I’d be lunch for the slowest, clumsiest  predator…the overweight eagle or some three-legged lioness.  Easy pickin’s over here.  I can’t see (my eyes are really bad) I am injured just about everywhere and I can’t run…hell, I can barely sit.

It got cold this weekend.  Dipped below zero a few times…I woke to acres of frost each day, including today.  The house I live in is cosy but it’s not a real house, it’s a cottage.  We have a concrete pad under us, no furnace or forced air of any kind and the only sources of heat are a gas fireplace (with broken fan so the heat sits around the hearth and goes no further) and the various appliances that throw off heat like my dryer, stove and water heater (which sits right outside the bathroom in the middle of the floor.  *sigh*).  The bathroom is indoors, of course, but it’s almost as cold as outside in there.  Under the tub is a crawl space of dirt which has no insulation at all, in fact, if you open the hatch in the daytime you can see pinpoints of light everywhere from outside.  This makes the underside of the tub the temperature of the outside air.  There have been times that the water in the toilet has almost frozen when it was bitterly cold.  You can feel the freezing water from the seat anyway…doesn’t need to freeze.  We have to waste a ton of scalding hot water to warm the tub before we shower….it’s not even snowed yet.  ….  Anyway.  Point is that it’s getting cold and the house is cooling down again.  I woke in so much pain I needed help getting off the couch and when I actually went upstairs to bed I woke every 15 min or so shivering and sweating both.

I have three broken toes, I think.  Two for sure sure.  One is feeling better taped up so I’m assuming it’s also broken or fractured.  My right knee is still very sore….that injury from pushing the couch cushion back in with my knee is something else.  I am fine unless I try to straighten my leg…then, I see stars.

So that’s my legs.  My hips are off because of the sciatica….I try to favour my entire leg…both of them really, so my hips are offset and sore.  This only does marvellous things for my lower back and the upper?  I don’t even want to talk about it.  My shoulders, neck, jaw and chest are really, really sore from shivering and sweating all night.

I need to move.

Here are the reasons why I can’t:  Colt.  His school district is very small and we have almost no leeway when it comes to the busses.  There is nothing for rent in the town I live in aside from my shitty place.  We’ve been looking for over five years while living there.  There’s just nothing available.  We can’t buy in the area because its way inflated.  We’re in a small town less than 15 min away from a major city.  Can’t get much better than that….so the prices go up up up.  All that aside, we cannot mess with Colt’s stability.  We put him in this school for a reason and I’ll be damned if we’re going to mess it up on him because I’m sore.  😦  I’ve been toying with the idea of finding a room to rent somewhere so I can stay in the city on very cold nights when D is working his second job.  Colt is happy enough if one of us is around and he is somehow connected to the internet.  (like mother like son…lol).

Then I arrive in my sweltering office this morning.  It appears they have the steam heat on and we’re now hitting the low 90’s INSIDE.  Sweat, chill, sweat, chill.  This sucks.

I didnt’ bother with make up today, as I was too overheated to apply it so I look like death warmed over.  My dreams have been holding me under since Friday … I slept way too much this weekend and gave them too much traction.  It seems I’m always running away from myself somehow.  Running in my dreams, running from the pain, running from real life by sleeping, running for my life in dreams.  I’m tired.  Annoyed and tired.  And sore.  So so sore.  My pain today is kind of just a body wide throb.  It starts with my broken toes and throbs up my aching, burning sciatic nerves, through my off set hips and up my spine where it ends at my brain stem and throbs through my head.  My teeth even hurt today.  The ones that i had pulled are aching too like they’re still there.  Phantom tooth pain.  Sweet.

Miserable me.  I guess that’s Monday for you.  Have a good one guys.  :

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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

6 responses to “Lame”

  1. KittyHere says :

    I was not aware that your rental is virtually unheated. That is awful. A wonder your pipes have never burst. I hate over heated buildings too. Crappy situation all around. Wishing you a very mild winter.

  2. worstcasescenariogirl says :

    Interestingly, I have always thought of survival of the fittest differently (probably to suit my own needs…but it works for me…) You are surviving….you are one of the people, a 2013 person, who is able to survive the dangers of our times.

    The other people….the beautiful, wealthy, physically fit, get all the luck, never face an obstacle…the people who have never met an uncomfortable day….they wouldn’t survive a minute if they had to face what you have and do face daily.

    So in our world….the one without tigers and dinosaurs…where we live silent internal pain caused by a world of disconnection and chaos….you are the survivor….you have adapted and coped….that is what survival is…..

  3. Mental Mama says :

    The changing seasons mess with me too, though not as bad. But the difference between outside and inside is just ridiculous. I usually keep my vehicle pretty cool when I’m driving just so that the shock in temperature differences doesn’t overwhelm me.

    I hope you’re able to get a little relief today. *hugs*

  4. Pete says :

    Hey, I’d be taken out and shot as well. I would be easy pickings for a vulture or a predator, but heck Sis if that happened I’d like to go out together holding you xxx

    • Grainne says :

      *giggles* While being picked at by vultures? Let’s go with a different fantasy will we? lol xx

      • Pete says :

        Yes, please don’t hold me to that one, slight miscalculation there sorry…I’ll leave the fantasy part in your hands if it comes to it Sis xxx

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