Hey guys. I’ve been trying to write but seem to be failing miserably. Everything in my head sounds okay until I write it down…then I find myself having to face what I feel. Oftentimes, I don’t like the things I feel. Emotions are sometimes threatening to me…just the very fact of them.
Right now I’m a bit lost. I sleep and dream of things tearing me apart every night. I’ve not even been able to write those down…they are desperate and terrifying. Over and over again I fail and die painfully…something new and painful each time. I just keep trying to find my way out. I work through buildings….climbing from fire escapes into windows and through doors; creeping down dark hallways to take stairs up three floors and down five. I’ll write about that in my dream journal. (Which is HERE if you’ve not seen it and want to take a look).
So, basically, here’s the scoop: I’m alive. I’m still unable to stay awake past 8pm if I take my meds in regular cycles, which I have been doing to keep a hold of the pain. I have it under control right now…barely, but holding. I’m really tired..pushing it hard. Trying to hold onto my job…tasks piling up. I got a good bite out of work on Friday…hoping the same for today.
Some nice news (that’s making me a little nervous). I get my ten-year pin this year 🙂 The have a nice ceremony for long service in mid-November so I’ll be attending that. The fun part though…I got asked to speak for my ‘year’ in a video interview that will be played at the ceremony! There will be over 1000 people attending *giggles*….that’ll be a hoot. I have four answers to prep for and they’re all feel-good, emotional things like “What is the one moment that always makes you smile when you think back on your ten years here”. LOVE it. I can probably have the room in tears if I want to….lol. I’m pretty good at public speaking, despite the fact that my nature is the opposite. I’m excited about being interviewed. 🙂 It’s next week sometime so I’m going to skip my night meds and delay my morning ones until after the session. I don’t want to be dropsy and stupid…rambling on video. lol. Anyway…so there. That’s something to hold onto. A lot of people see my name because of my position, but now, I have a chance to fill in that black and white outline of myself for folks. It’ll be fun. I’ll share my questions and answers with you guys…for kicks.
So there’s a smile. Nice hot coffee on the go…morning -ho!
Have a good one All. xo