Taking a few days

I’m calling in for tomorrow and Friday.  My body is hit it’s limit….breathing hurts and throbbing pain is just not giving up.  My neck/shoulder area feel like an infected, throbbing tooth….have you ever had one abscess?  I have…I remember standing over the sink, drooling and trying not to touch that entire side of my mouth with my tongue.  That’s about what my spine, from brain stem to C7 feels like with an extra bone crunching surprise at C5/C6 and C1/C2 where the discs are nearly eroded away.

I’m so tired.  I’m always so tired.  You know….I don’t even think in terms of being awake anymore.  I’m always some level of tired or exhausted.  I feel like I need to sit down and take a break between tasks…talking too much wears me down.  I can feel my energy leaving my body as I strive to pay attention and keep up with conversation.  Words drain me so.

D is worried about me.  He came to my office and surprised me with a McDonalds coffee with an espresso shot (If you’ve not tried it and you like espresso…do iiiiiit.  So worth it).  He said we were going for a drive, which we did, and we talked some.  He knows the cycles.  I don’t like my birthday, which is coming up this weekend.  It makes me not able to ignore the fact that I miss my mom.  *(Real mom, not foster mom…her I feel nothing for right now.  A twinge of longing…guilt…sorrow.  I can make it go away though, when I want to).  Anyway.

I’m home now and struggling to stay awake.  I could fall asleep right here, sitting up.  Things are stressful for Colt at school…he’s not doing well merging with his peers.  Last year he played with the little kids…this year, he’s on the other side of the yard and only has kids his age to hang around.  Some are picking on him.  His lovely little friend Emily, I think I called her in another blog, is very watchful and tells us when kids are messing with Colt.  She says they are being cruel.  She tries to get him away from them but they follow.  (She’ll take Colt to a quiet spot and sit with him, quietly whispering in his ear, arm around him, heads touching.  I’m crying now, writing this.  That little girl is some angel…let me tell you.

Gotta stop.  Getting all worked up again.  I’ll just finish this quick.

The only teacher I trust, who is in charge of his IEP and programming, tells me that the kids he’s hanging around are very sweet and they are helping him.  They want to be his friend so badly…one of these two is a girl and she wants to take care of Colt the way Emily does.  She’s awkward with him though and he gets frustrated…starts swearing and cussing her out.  She calmly tried to engage him again and he kicks dirt at her….god.  I have two different stories going on.  Anyway…will sort it out.  Tuesday.  Maybe tomorrow, if I have the strength.

Off to guzzle a mug of wine and I’ll be sleeping until tomorrow.  Tomorrow night, hopefully.

Yeah.  *sigh*

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About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

8 responses to “Taking a few days”

  1. Mental Mama says :

    Hang in there sweetie. Holler if you need anything. *hugs*

  2. plf1990 says :

    Oh gosh, you poor thing. I really feel for you. Vibes through the wavelengths x

  3. nocivum says :

    So sorry to hear all this. I hope things turn around for you quickly. xx

  4. Pete says :

    Hey Twin, Try to rest as much s possible during these two days. You deserve peace and quiet when you’re that exhausted. It sounds like your body is fighting something as is mine, or it has just had a gutsful of all the different problems.
    That was nice of D to do that for you, now that even he can see your utter exhaustion it is definitely time to see a general specialist Grainne.
    I don’t like my birthday for the same reason. My mum died in 2004 at the age of 63 with breast cancer, one day before my birthday 😦 Hurts me lots too because I looked after her for the last 2.5 years of her illness. No words can describe it 😦
    Emily does sound like an angel. What a little darling to look after Colt like that. I hope that sorts out well 🙂 And I my twin am off to drink a few beers because I feel so ill that life doesn’t seem very bright right now. Pete xx

  5. findingmyinnercourage says :

    Rest, rest and more rest. Please don’t do anything but rest. You must take care of yourself. XOXO

  6. paindepression says :

    I can relate to many of the things in your life. My wish for you, is to have healing energy awake inside you and ease the pain, as well as, increase your energy levels….. Hang in there!

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