One more time

I was feeling okay this morning but as the day went on I got weaker and weaker. We got home tonight and I had to use the bathroom. I couldn’t make things happen the right way…like everything that use to move just doesn’t anymore. I gave up but had pain from that damn infection that apparently didn’t die under the antibiotic attack. I’ll have to get a new (different) scrip on Monday. I waited for it to pass but as I stood waiting D happened by and stopped to ask of I was okay as I was a dreadful shade of pale. I was suddenly about to pass out.

I went down on my knees but he was there, ready to catch me. I ate some sweet homemade jam and had some fruit juice, sat for a while. When I started to feel better we all got in the car to go grocery shopping, as per our norm on Friday nights. About halfway there I wasn’t doing so good. He put his hand on my knee and started to pull over. Instead I told him id sit in the car while they went in. That’s where I’m writing from now.

I really don’t feel very good.

Dan has talked me into one more search. I’m going to collect my medical file from my doctor and the hospital and put all my records in order with a list of symptoms. I’m going to search for a doctor in Canada or the US and I’ll pay what it takes to have another assessment. I can’t be the only one who has this trouble.

Losing control of my body, trouble excreting waste, fainting spells, giant bruises and constant infections, bilateral joint pain and body wide nerve pain, night sweats that soak the bed, pain and numbness throughout my body at random times, mind splitting head aches and depression.

I think that’s it. The sleep disorder and nightmares I ascribe to my past. (Anxiety and attachment issues too).

I think I’m okay now. Not feeling so light headed. Glad I decided to stay here in the car. I feel tears coming on. I’m not looking forward to what comes next for my poor body. I’m getting a little scared. I’m being taught that no matter how much id like not to sleep 16 hours at a time, or miss my entire weekend by sleeping through it, the ultimate choice is my body’s. Apparently it will lose consciousness if it is ignored long enough.

My body is against me. How does one get around something like that? Does anyone know? Please tell me…I’ll about anything right now.



About Grainne

My name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)

12 responses to “One more time”

  1. KittyHere says :

    You are brave to be sitting in the car while feeling so awful. I just read an article about C-diff that made me think of you, although it doesn’t match your latest problems. Then I checked email and saw you had just posted. I agree that getting an outside doctor to review your records needs to be done. Crossing fingers and toes that help is around the corner.

  2. Mental Mama says :

    Whatever it takes honey, you’re worth it. Let me know if there’s any way I can help.

  3. anotherhopeentirely says :

    Right now, I wish so badly that I were a doctor so I could help you. I care about you, and I hate not being able to make it better.

    I hate the almost passing out. That’s been happening to me a lot lately too. I’m forever trying to make sure nobody notices, while at the same time trying to stay conscious and upright.

    I’m glad you have someone there to catch you.

    I think the hardest thing about having UC is feeling like I have no control over what my body’s doing. We have different problems and different symptoms, but it sounds like the emotional states are similar. I know for me, it often brings up trauma stuff, and I wonder if that’s happening for you. I tend to get more tense when trauma stuff comes up, which makes the pain worse, which makes me feel more out on control, which makes me remember more trauma stuff…nasty cycle. That might not resonate with your experience at all, so feel free to smack me with a fish if it’s not relevant or if you just feel like it. 😉

    I’m here if you ever feel like talking. I’m around most of the time, and I’m always happy to hear from you. ❤

    • Grainne says :

      You are so good to me! Thank you for this…I read it several times this weekend…made me feel less alone and scared. I really appreciate it…xox Hope you’re good today. Feel free to text me if you ever want….I miss chatting with you.

  4. Pete says :

    Hey sweet twin,

    Not having a good time myself either but in reading your blog entry I wondered about a few things. Ok Candida can cause UT infections, achy joints, hypoglycaemia (which may have caused you to feel so faint you needed something sweet to eat). Bowel problems, headaches, depression.

    But in saying that candida is usually an opportunistic entity that would take hold in an immune depleted body. I’m guessing your FBC is normal enough along with you ESR rate, Liver enzymes, Renal function, Iron Studies and all the basic tests within the parameter of how a Dr can assume you are well.

    There are White Blood Cell Studies you can have done to look in depth at your immune system. For example one disease involving white blood cells is neutropenia. This is caused by a large decrease in the production of neutrophils. This would give you your symptoms of fevers and infections. Another thing that comes to mind is Lupus, but you don’t have the rash, also Lyme disease…have you ever been bitten by a tick? Some people don’t even realise it when it happens.
    Sorry for all that ramble but my inner Dr started up as I helped an ex study for med school lol. I feel so much for you Grainne and just want to help in any way I can.


    Pete x

  5. findingmyinnercourage says :

    May you have better health in the days ahead! Thinking of you and praying for you!

  6. shadoemckee says :

    I had many similar debilitating symptoms and pursued many avenues. I found a bit of relief on the candida diet, but I was convinced by listening to my body that it wasn’t because of candida, it was because of specific food restrictions. In one of my research ventures on the net I discovered FODMAPS diet which addresses specific carbohydrate groups and intolerances. Within 2 days, 75% of my body-wide joint pain was gone, I was off pain meds, my digestion righted itself, and I my sleep returned to normal. I would never have thought this direction initially, but I guess you really are what you eat. I am now researching the FAILSAFE diet which addresses specific chemical sensitivities. Hope this helps. If anything, it will give you something to research to take your mind off the pain for a minute or two. Much love!

    • Grainne says :

      Many thanks! The most helpful advice comes from the avenues that I’ve not ventured 🙂 I’ll have a look into both diets you reference. Really happy to hear you’ve resolved your issues…that’s always happy news!

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