One more time
I was feeling okay this morning but as the day went on I got weaker and weaker. We got home tonight and I had to use the bathroom. I couldn’t make things happen the right way…like everything that use to move just doesn’t anymore. I gave up but had pain from that damn infection that apparently didn’t die under the antibiotic attack. I’ll have to get a new (different) scrip on Monday. I waited for it to pass but as I stood waiting D happened by and stopped to ask of I was okay as I was a dreadful shade of pale. I was suddenly about to pass out.
I went down on my knees but he was there, ready to catch me. I ate some sweet homemade jam and had some fruit juice, sat for a while. When I started to feel better we all got in the car to go grocery shopping, as per our norm on Friday nights. About halfway there I wasn’t doing so good. He put his hand on my knee and started to pull over. Instead I told him id sit in the car while they went in. That’s where I’m writing from now.
I really don’t feel very good.
Dan has talked me into one more search. I’m going to collect my medical file from my doctor and the hospital and put all my records in order with a list of symptoms. I’m going to search for a doctor in Canada or the US and I’ll pay what it takes to have another assessment. I can’t be the only one who has this trouble.
Losing control of my body, trouble excreting waste, fainting spells, giant bruises and constant infections, bilateral joint pain and body wide nerve pain, night sweats that soak the bed, pain and numbness throughout my body at random times, mind splitting head aches and depression.
I think that’s it. The sleep disorder and nightmares I ascribe to my past. (Anxiety and attachment issues too).
I think I’m okay now. Not feeling so light headed. Glad I decided to stay here in the car. I feel tears coming on. I’m not looking forward to what comes next for my poor body. I’m getting a little scared. I’m being taught that no matter how much id like not to sleep 16 hours at a time, or miss my entire weekend by sleeping through it, the ultimate choice is my body’s. Apparently it will lose consciousness if it is ignored long enough.
My body is against me. How does one get around something like that? Does anyone know? Please tell me…I’ll about anything right now.