I’ve been sleeping ridiculous hours this last month and I feel like everything has slowed down with me. I’m clumsier than I was before and I’m forgetting things as they happen. I opened goggle last night and went to search something but by the time the page loaded (seconds, really) I had forgotten what I was looking for. I’d remember while I was doing something else and then, by the time I got back to google, gone. It’s so frustrating. Let’s just say I’m very thankful that my car beeps when I leave my keys in the ignition.
I was sick this week with a cold and a number of infections and that dragged me under even further. I went from sleeping about 12 hours a night to 16 hours…I was going home early from work so I could get to bed by 4pm. Bit much, really. The tiredness is weird thought, this time around. I’m not sleepy-tired or exhausted physically-tired…Just..must lie down and sleep. There’s a switch that goes off in my head the moment I sit down after work. I can feel it coming and as I start to pass out, I quickly finish up whatever I was doing (usually texting someone) and try to at least plug my phone in to charge before I go to black. I don’t always make it though.
When I start to fade there’s nothing that can stop it. I’ve tried hopping in a cool shower when it starts to come on, that draggy, watery feeling where nothing is quite in focus and seems to be moving in dizzying circles. All the shower did was make my hair wet…I could barely hold the soap. I gave up, dried off and was asleep in less than five minutes.
Last week I was well into the pass out decline when D asked if I wanted a coffee. I said yes, tried to drink it but kept falling asleep with the cup in my hand on its way to my mouth. I’d tip the cup and spill some coffee, D would notice and startle me awake and I’d spill more coffee on myself. He took the coffee away and went to get me a paper towel and, before he returned (less than a minute) I was out. He tried to wake me and found it impossible.
About a week ago, I was driving home from work. Traffic was light and my day had been okay…nothing stressful going on. I was really looking forward to home…wanting my couch very much. I stopped at a stop sign and as I pulled forward to make my turn I felt that switch click. Now, generally, when I felt that shift I have about 10 minutes before my vision starts to tunnel. I panicked a little (the adrenaline helped) and I started thinking of things I could try to break the cycle. I turned the AC on high and blasted it into my face, turned up the radio and sang along with the music, I even made a quick pit stop and got a red bull at a convenient store and chugged the thing (gaaaah it was so gross. Wrong flavour!! Wrong flavour!!) and then I jumped around a bit, looking like an idiot, to try to get my cardio up.
All of my efforts allowed me to reach home safely and without falling asleep or losing vision. I walked in, went pee, petted the cat because she came to greet me at the door, took of my bra and was asleep in my work clothes on the couch in less than two minutes total. I woke up when D got up at seven the next morning.
That scared me, that one. It’s like I can feel an attack of the sleeps….like narcolepsy, I guess, except I don’t immediately drop off…I get about ten minutes, like I said above. This has never happened before, even with all the heavily sedating drugs I’ve been on. I’ve been so tired I cannot keep my eyes open but I was still in control over being awake or asleep. Now, that control is gone. Losing control of my body scares the living hell out of me.