My heart is slowing down again, I’m doing better than I was. The dreams have been quiet recently…not too much going on except for wandering with my friends. (Friends doesn’t fit – they aren’t friends of mine, just parts of mine…sort of). They were all there last night.
I had dreamed of that soul on the weekend who is bound to another but always comes to me when she is otherwise occupied. He acted as he always did and then, in the morning he left with her again. I stood at the door and watched them drive off. He never even looked back at me….just drove away. I stood there, silently weeping, feeling left, alone and rejected, as usual. I shook it off as best I could and went to get a shower.
I started in the ensuite as always but the shower was occupied. I went to the main bathroom on the upper level and it too had someone in it. Downstairs, I opened the door to the half bathroom to find someone, one of my 7, trying to wash her hair in the sink. I figured I’d grab a cup of coffee and wait until someone was finished, but when I went to the kitchen the others were there, crowding the coffee machine.
“What are you guys doing?” I asked.
“Just waiting for you.” The four in the kitchen said in unison, all Children of the Corn creepy-like.
“Oookay then…” I decided to skip the coffee.
The one in the washroom came out, hair dripping onto her outfit and surrounding floor. I went around her and into the small washroom, rinsed my face and wet my hair also. A shower would have to come later, I thought, since everyone was about ready to go.
The bunch of them got ready and stood at the door, waiting for me to collect my things. I smiled at them, not quite understanding where we were going. No one smiled back but they formed a neat line and the one in front opened the door.
Somehow everyone fit in my car (yay for dreaming) and we drove down to the quarry (?) gravel pit (?). The tires crunched on the loose stones and kicked up a fog of dust as we came to a stop and everyone climbed out of the car. They headed for the pit, leaving me behind while I took in the scene. I hadn’t ever been there before, just new it existed.
I followed my friends to the lip of the gaping hole in the ground and watched, amazed, as they started to climb down the walls like a fly might, sticking to the soil even as it crumbled and ran down ahead of them to the bottom. I was sure that I would fall if I tried.
“Can you guys give me a hand?” I yelled down.
They stopped in a perfect row, all frozen in mid sept and stayed there, unmoving. None of them looked up to acknowledge me, no one smiled, they just stopped and stayed where they were.
“Hello?” I tried but got no response.
The little one, two bodies down, finally but slowly turned her head to me and smiled. Her black eyes lit up with flecks of green. She started to climb to me, using the ones ahead of her as stepping-stones. She crawled out, covered in dirt and dust and reached for me. I picked her up, she is so tiny, and she snuggled into my arms, sweet head resting on my shoulder. I’m not fond of her and she is well aware, but it’s not in my nature to be cruel, especially to a child.
“They can’t help you with this Grainne.” She said in her little bird tones. I already knew though.
I set her down and she crawled back down into the hole. I sat on the edge, swinging my legs over the side and watched as pebbles let loose and disappeared into the blackness below.
“So…I have to do this alone?” I asked, teary and exhausted.
The one who was the deepest down began to speak in murmers that I couldn’t quite catch but I could tell it was important. The others had their hands clamped over their ears, trying to ignore his words away. I strained to catch the message and the more I reached for him the louder he got until, eventually, he was screaming the words he was saying. I could just see his face in the darkness, spittle flying from his lips with the force of the words he was releasing.
“There is no place for you!” he howled. “No place! You are not welcome here.”
He reached for me, his arms growing long and thin, his huge hands in fists, shaking with fury. I yanked my feet out of the hole moment before he touched them and scrambled backwards like a crab. When I fell I landed on soft sand…mountains of it around me. I dug a hole and started to cover myself but the tide suddenly came in and washed my efforts away. Giving up, I lay in the surf, letting my hair fly out into a fan each time a wave washed over me.
They came out of the hole quietly then and walked to me in silence. They all lay down, side by side surrounding me on the wet sand and we all closed our eyes, lost in the rhythm of the sea as it tried to pull us in. The one beside me started to quietly sing and we all took a breath together, opened our throats and joined him. Complex harmonies and cadences rang out to be slowly eaten up by the sounds of the world around us.
We fell asleep there, all of us pressed together on the sand. When I woke, I could still hear the waves crash for a moment through the alarm clock. I could have stayed there forever though. It’s exactly where I want to be.
About GrainneMy name is Grainne. This blog has been with me for years now and has served as a journal, a confessional, an outlet and a place for me to create and express my love of life. Thank you for stopping by and for becoming a part of this life long journey of mine. I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to do so. :)
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